Hi Everyone My relationship ended around 9 weeks ago due to my ex's parents being homophobic and from a country which condones mistreatment of LGBTI people. It was a very traumatic experience for me living in a country where LGBTI people have rights and i am still head over heels in love with her. We didn't speak for a about a month or so after the initial break up but we have recently seen each other again and all my feelings came rushing back the moment I saw her. She has said she loves me and misses me but because of her situation she keeps pushing me away. She says she wants me to move on and I can't accept that because I believe she's pushing me way out of fear and guilt that she can't be with me (right now) due to circumstances. I have no idea how to cope anymore as telling her I love her and that we can be friends until this is all over so we have a shot just makes her distant again. It's driving me crazy and I'm at a loss of what to do. Some of my friends say I must walk away and others say I'll figure it out but I have no idea how to. Please can someone give me some solid advice if they've been through anything similar :icon_sad:
You should explain to your ex's parents that ex is entitled to her sexuality. Tell them that you understand that everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but who are they to judge? So, a plan: 1) Find a way to get in contact with ex's parents ie Facebook, post, phone, email, skype, text etc 2) Introduce yourself if they don't know you already (" Hello, I am .... And I used to your daughter") 3) Explain to them that they should not judge (" I understand that you are entitled to your own opinion, but it is not you who should judge. She is your daughter and you should love her just as she is.") 4) Explain that in your country, LGBTI have rights (" In my country, LGBTI have rights, those people should not be discriminated against") 5) Ask politely and respectfully if you can still date their daughter (" Please may I continue to date your daughter?") 6) If successful, then good for you. If not, well at least you know You've tried. Hope I helped and please post how it went.
I suggest not talking to her parents because there could be the danger of violence and they are unlikely to listen rationally to you (they probably will think you "influenced" their daughter). What she really needs is to talk to a counselor who knows LGBT issues and also dealing with religious family members. You can't do this alone. Your ex needs to find an "exit strategy" that will allow her to be physically and financially independent from her parents; otherwise she is still going to be controlled by their homophobic views. It would really help if you could find someone else with a similar religious or ethnic background to talk with her, even if they are a straight ally.
The thing is I have met her dad and brother , both of who showed no distaste towards me whilst I use to visit my ex. Her dad was actually very polite and friendly towards me and we could get along fine. He's an atheist so I guess that was what we had in common. It was only behind my ex's back that he spoke to her mother several times about how our relationship made him uncomfortable to which her response was much the same based in her christian views. She then confronted my ex over the phone telling her that she had "choosen" a difficult path and that it made them extremely uncomfortable and as a result my Ex ended it. She's only in her 2nd year at university so she's very much financially dependant on them and used that to push for the break up. The thing is she doesn't have a lot of Lgbt friends back home (Muslims don't take to kindly to homosexuals ) or here as she still hides her sexuality from her new Friends so her finding support services impossible. I am worried that she'll never feel brave enough to come out and get the support she needs.:icon_sad:
