Father has disowned me for the third time

The truth is that he doesn't deserve you. A father shouldn't treat his child this way. So I won't contact him anymore. If you still wanna see your mother, you could meet with her alone at your place or in the city and not at the house so you won't see your father.
Being around him will only make you feel worse and that's something you really don't need. Even though it's hard, breaking the contact is what I'd do because if he realizes that you don't need him anymore and don't make any effort, maybe he'll change his opinion and apologize and you can have a normal relationship (again?).

I hope you get better soon, family isn't always blood (*hug*)

 

He doesn't deserve to be a father. I'm a mother and I cannot imagine treating my children in this way. It sounds like he has his own issues (e.g. depression, grieving his dead son (grieving a child will never go away, and a subsequent child can never 'make up' for it, as every child is their own person)), and it sounds like these have massively impacted on his ability to treat you the way you deserve.

However, just because he clearly has problems and need sympathy himself, does not mean that you should allow yourself and your own mental health to be damaged by remaining in contact with him.

How did his attempted suicide make you feel? Did you ever get counselling afterwards? I can image it feels like a major betrayal and abandonment, to a child (I had a good friend whose father killed himself and he (my friend) was messed up for years).

 

It sounds like you need to disown him. Not "fuck off, I never want to see you again." But, in your head, just make a mental note that this man is your father, but not someone to get.. support or stability from.

Maybe one day he'll turn around, so it's wise to keep him around. Just modify your expectations of him.

It is one thing to feel sympathetic for your parents' weaknesses, it's another thing to put yourself through them at the sake of your own health.

My parents never attempted suicide, but with the amount of moral/social support/teaching they gave me.. they'd might as well not have been around. I didn't realize how unprepared I was for normal life until I started seeing a LCSW. After meeting my parents, she actually commented that she doesn't know where I got my "good head" from. If she truly meant that, IDK. Still means my parents weren't the best. Curiously enough (to me, and my LCSW) they had no problems with me when I came out (16, now 22), and they actually started caring more about my mental health. So there is that. Appreciate the goodness they've brought, but don't feel that it outweighs or balances the bad in any way.

In my situation, I've found that accepting their love, and giving them love back, is the extent of our relationship. I don't ask them about life questions or share any details, nor do I allow them to ask me.

 

DALBCN makes good points. You can define this relationship. Determine (to yourself) what he's going to be permitted to give you, and you give him.

For example in a case where a parent is unable to provide psychological support, but is comfortable with practical support, then you need to redefine your relationship with them (in your head) to play to their strengths. No one can be all things to anyone. If you have someone in your team who is crap with Excel but a whizz on presentations, and a bit of training isn't helping, then you allow them to play to their strengths.

And people do change, so it's possible he will regret all this when he's in a better place himself. However as I said before you must not risk your own mental health.

 

Speak to your GP and see if a referral to counselling for you is possible on the NHS, also talk to the GP about your father's issues. Sounds like he could possibly do with some help sorting his head out too.

In Cambridgeshire I would imagine there's reasonable support for someone in your circumstances, if you can find it. E.g. this local government document, there's a bit called 'broken rainbows' providing support for people who are on the receiving end of domestic violence (including psychological, which sounds possible).

https://www.cambridge.gov.uk/sites/default/files/docs/Pink Guide to Cambridge.pdf

 

If that's the way he treats you then there's no reason for you to keep him in your life, at least not for now. He's being extremely toxic and negative, and that's his problem, not yours.

Focus on your own life, and come back to him down the road. If he's still treating you the same there is absolutely no reason for you to reciprocate any respect back to him. Don't give up, but know when it's time to back off and realize that some things just don't work out sometimes.

 

You have to move on I agree with embi and jax but as always we are here to give you help