So basically I've had a crush on my best friend for around the past year. I know I should've shut it down right when it started, but I didn't fully realise what was going on until it was too late. Now I'm stuck in a situation that's getting more and more difficult to cope with. Initially it was fine and I could repress it (again, should have dealt with it) and there are still some days where I can still feel a physical and emotional attraction to her, but not let it bother me, but sometimes it all just gets a bit much. Recently it's progressed to me fantasising about relationship type things with her. Like when we're out shopping in the grocery store, I just want to grab her by the waist and kiss her on the cheek. Or if we're at the movies, I just want to be close to her and put my hand on her thigh. If we're out at night, I just want to dance with her and hold her. I have no idea how to deal with this. I think she identifies as straight, but she's always been flirty with me and we always cuddle and sleepovers and kiss when we are drunk, so it's difficult for me to figure out to do. I don't really know how I identify at the moment, and she doesn't know I've had any sort of questioning. Cutting off connection isn't an option - we have several classes together and live in the same building at college. I've just been riding it out and keeping myself calm. I've stressed too much over this but don't really know what to do.
Hi Oli, I know what this feels like. It's frustrating. It's stressful. It's hopeless, but the feeling of having a crush is something you want to hold on to. I get you. Honestly, what I would do is just tell her how you feel. She is your friend, so if you two have a solid relationship, nothing should get into that friendship's way, even if it's an awkward confession of some sort. If you don't tell her how you feel, you're never going to have closure. You'll always be wondering, and that's painful. Besides, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take. I suggest telling her when both of you are in a good mood, and open up by saying how much you treasure your friendship and the trust. You can frame it as a way to come out: "I'm bi...and bi the way..." (See what I did there?) But seriously. People hold on to these fantasies for months and years and it eats them up. You sound young with plenty of opportunity ahead for you. Don't let it eat you up.
Tell her that your questioning at the moment and that you've been having feelings for her that are making you confused either that or just tell her that you're questioning and see what she says maybe she'll open up to you too
