So, after reading an article about them, I realized that almost all of my relationships except one or two are toxic. That sounds really extreme, but I can count the number of friends I have on my fingers, and one feels like they're just, trying to completely take over my life, and the other I feel like I'm tired of their shit, because they badmouth other people. I AM SO DONE! I don't want to be too impulsive, but I feel like I really understand the saying that it's better to be alone then with toxic people. I wanna tell my homophobic "best friend" that I like girls, that way they can decide weather to end the relationship or not and if they don't then at least I won't feel like I'm constantly lying. I wanna be more assertive with the other friend, she tries to guilt trip me just because I don't want to spend every weekend and waking moment with her. I'm feeling optimistic that I can make new friends, except, I mean, it's high school, so are toxic relationships just normal? I am worried if I tell my homophobic "best friend" I could run into cyber bullying if she gossips, so it's probably smarter to just spend less time with her, but it feels far more satisfying to imagine just telling her the truth. I just wanna feel like I'm doing something to make a change.
Toxic relationships are probably common in high school, but that doesn't make them okay. Part of growing up is figuring out what you want in a relationship so that you can build those kinds of connections. It might be best to hold off on coming out to your homophobic friend, if you're not ready to be out to other people yet. If your other friend is trying to bully you into spending more time with her, it definitely sound like it's time for distance. You can start making new friends now. Hanging out with other people will also give you a chance to draw away from your toxic friends.
I had a really difficult time in high school even though I didn't identify as gay or even think I was gay. I wasn't really attracted to anybody and with all my straight friends constantly talking about their boyfriends or just Boys in general I felt really out of place. But I never was able to talk about it with anybody which left me very isolated. All that to say, talk to you "best friend" and let them know how you feel. I kept everything bottled up and it really affected my relationships and my high school experience. If you lose that friendship then she probably wasn't a good friend to have in the first place.
