Please help: partially out and still depressed

Pcg, I totally get you.
I've been so depressive it effective my job and my friends had to snap me or if it.
You need to talk. It write stuff. I found writing my thoughts down helps a ton.

You have friends. As long as you're not an ass, in confident they win be OK if you show that emotion sometimes. Just not ALL the time.

Try and find ANY gay group to go to.. Meet up. Hiking group.
General social. Community center.
Lgbt support.
Anything and just GO. Even, especially, when you want to stay home alone.
That has helped me become much more open and relaxed.

I'm lucky. I just got a date with a guy, but I live near a city in the Northeast.
There is a decent gay population here.

And, I've gone very quick from idiotically repressed to very open. But that doesn't work for everyone.

If you want someone to talk to, hit my wall..

 

I'm not an expert on the matter, but if your friends can tell how you're feeling inside and they're asking you about it, they're obviously concerned and want to help you. Expressing how you feel to them is what they want you to do and you should allow them to help. I know what it's like to have to put on a good face when you're feeling the complete points inside (though not to the same extent). Generally I find the benefits of coming out are about lifting the burden off of your chest, but if you're still carrying around these feelings you're not going to be able to feel much benefit. I would advise telling them, but if don't feel you can do that then I'd reiterate gryf's points. I've recently started going to a local Youth Café (which is basically a rec centre) and though it's not LGBT-focused, everyone's very open-minded and accepting and I always feel more confident after going to it. Hope this helps!

 

I know how you feel. You just got to let it out some how like someone said before. I would right almost every night anything that was in my head at that moment; every though and emotion. It truly does help. You could also write stuff here at EC or if you feel you can talk to one of your friends. I know it could be hard to trust people or let your guard down but you are most definitely not alone.

 

Hey there buddy

You know something? It could have been me writing that post

I was just checking EC on my phone before turning in but after reading your post I just HAD to open my comp and type this out.

First, deep breath. Whew, feel better? Now listen - it's not going to be very reassuring but I hope it helps in some way.

Yes, I feel ALL those things you just described - the wish to have someone to hold, to cuddle, to kiss, to love. I'm also partially out to folks and a few friends but not the whole world. And yes, I belong to the never-been-kissed category too (we're not extinct, take heart! ;-))

What everyone has told you is sensible advice. Try and look within you and see whether it's social connection you need with people which is just manifesting itself in an over-strong feeling for a relationship or "the one". For me I've come to realize it's a mix of both. Yes, I do want to find the Disney prince but I also realized (AFTER joining a gay sports group and making - after a LOT of effort - a few gay friends) that part of what I wanted was just the comfort of being with other gay people now and then. I feel more at ease, don't have to have my "guard" up and can just have fun and even joke about having a crush on the cute barista.

Dating apps are a very, VERY skewed sample of people if you're not the hook-up kind (again, can't generalize but most of the popular apps have just become like that because the people seeking something quick far outnumber those seeking deeper connections). If you want an idea then try this for a statistic - after being on one for about 7 months (and sending way too many friendly messages to people) I've found two people whom I've become friends with. The odds can be daunting.

Gryf put it most succinctly - just get out and go somewhere which involves spending time with people (doesn't have to be LGBT groups alone, pick a hobby) because the more time you spend alone the more you'll brood about loneliness (been there, done that, bought the T-shirt). I'm not saying things become easy suddenly, it's an ongoing effort at times. But if you become part of a group or two you'll have something to look forward to on a regular basis and you know what? That feeling is just amazing! I feel that with my sports group (even though I'm the worst player).

Moreover, the odds of you meeting someone nice increase exponentially the more things you are a part of. Think about it - if you want to meet people with similar interests you're more likely to find them at places other than dating apps! You're in Denver and that's got to have MANY more LGBT meetup/group options that what I, or many others, have access to. Make the most of them! Try out a few, see which ones you like, and then stick with them! Go and gettem, tiger

And don't push away your close friends. Esp. the ones you trust the most? Tell them that you feel lonely at times. Tell them that you feel sad. There's no shame or weakness in that. We can't be strong all the time. Part of what deepens friendships is sharing vulnerability (look up Brene Brown's TED talk). I recently did that with a friend (and I'm obsessed with perfectionism so it WASN'T easy!) and I wish I'd done it sooner!

Feel free to write in on the wall if you want to talk. But don't feel disheartened and fight against becoming cynical. The world you see on gay dating apps is not the true or the only representation of gay culture. It's just one facet. Hoping for love is something which you should never give up on

Love and hugs,
C