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reaching out to friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ECMember, May 8, 2016.

  1. ECMember

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    I just wanted some opinions or thoughts on this subject. I have(or had is more appropriate term) friend named Travis. I have talked about him a bit on EC a while back when I was just introducing myself here.

    When Travis and I had been hanging out a bit last year, I was being more self-conscience of my sexuality. I mean, I began to notice I had feelings: platonic to some degree sexual for him. I mean I felt like he had the same with me because, he and I had hugged more longer than straight guys would and constant saying, "I love you." It just seemed borderline homoerotic.

    I mean, I began to have this self-conscience/awareness of my bi sexuality last April. I was enjoying spending time with him, whether it was good or bad, I just felt some connection. The things I didn't like was just other people that just slowly entered the picture. I don't consider myself a "jealous friend", but I just didn't like certain people who were entering the fold and just being "bad influences."

    So he and I grew apart gradually following last school year(2014-2015). He moved back to his parents' place rather than living on campus following a little campus violation.

    I was unaware of things that were happening at the same time: somewhere between the summer of 2015 to fall of 2015, Travis had slowly got into cocaine as I had heard from a mutual friend of ours. And he kept surrounding himself with more shadier people than "normal" friends like myself and our mutual friend.

    So I'm unaware of the cocaine stuff until later, but he and I for the most part didn't hang out last fall when class started. I mean, I would see him maybe a few times when passing through a building here and there but that was about it. I didn't know what was going on, it pissed me off somewhat you can say.

    The last time we had hanged out(last Nov 2015), the mood and vibe just was dead. Our mutual friend Robby was about to head to basic military training for the USAF, he was in town for a day. Robby was more cordial than Travis and everyone else which I found odd. I knew that something wasn't right that night. I mean I thought we were all going to stay up late, but it was odd for Travis to rush things especially on a Saturday night. I mean he felt the need to get more trashed than even me and wanted to rush things to go back. I was clueless to figure out what was going on, because he had been poorly communicating shit to me for a while now.

    So from that point to now, I haven't hanged out with Travis. I have seen him around campus from a distance, but we haven't talked or anything.

    During Christmas time, Robby had briefly texted me that Travis was doing cocaine "almost everyday now". He never disclosed to me, when he knew about that. I always assumed, it was that last night we had hanged out.

    So I have this whole shit with me for a long time, I mean someone like Travis who had an addiction with meth and heroin in high school; then kicks that; goes to college but makes a promise to "not get into hard drugs" yet just drinks and smokes weed you take it hard. It frustrated me to know that he made a promise to me and Robby that he never would fuck with hard drugs like cocaine and he had considered Robby and I "friends...he needs in his life". That was all from last year.

    And there were times that Travis and I were somewhat emotional when we hugged, he promised me that "never would go back"(hard drugs) and I always told him "I would always be there for him...." I mean with emotions and promises and all the shit that was said last year, it just stuck with me.

    Now, it's a year later. I just feel so disillusioned.

    I just dealt with my own baggage of bullshit with the stuff with that guy Edmond I talked about. I'm sober myself, but I want to reach out to Travis. I would like to establish some dialogue with him and see how he's doing.

    I never technically "burnt" a bridge with him, he never told me to not communicate with anymore. I mean I find it hard to phantom while he hasn't "unfriended" me on Facebook, if he had saw me as nothing.

    I would like to reach out to him, but it's difficult to do so I feel. I mean, I sent him a Happy Birthday text yesterday(he turned 20 yesterday) and wanted to let him know that I was there for him and wanted to reconnect. If he read my text or not, I don't know.

    I just want to reconnect with him, but I don't know if there would ever be any chance to reconnect.
     
  2. bleedingheart

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    It sounds to me, from your description, that you two have drifted apart because of the drugs. He has found a new set of people that probably share in the drug habit and when you are in that world people not in it seem very uninteresting. Cocaine is often seen as a fun, not too harsh, club drug, and the expensive of it normally stops people getting too involved with it. But it is highly addictive, and taken regularly a dependence can easily form. Daily intake is not good at all.

    If I were you, I would move on with my life. Certainly send the very occasional catch up via social media or email, just be there when they decide they need help, support or to get out of their current circle. Until they decide that, it is very hard or near impossible to communicate in any meaningful way. So despite your feelings, it is my opinion that, like ships passing in the night, he has gone off into a place you do not want to go, so don't follow him. Perhaps he will come back, perhaps not, either way, that ship has passed.

    Wish you all the best though,
    xxx
     
  3. ECMember

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    I don't know if you have read my previous posts about Travis because it's a complicated story within it's self. I do appreciate your feedback.

    I didn't get into the cocaine thing like him, I only heard about that from our mutual friend.

    Yeah I admit, three of us did dabble in weed and drank but despite all that we got along pretty well to a degree. It was just things changed from May 2015 to fall 2015: Robby enlisted in the Air Force, Travis moved back to his parents' house, I "missed" them while still having my own on campus flat(apartment).

    Though looking back, I did suspect things were changing with Travis around late April 2015-early May 2015: I recall we were at a party, Travis did a line of Xanax with some girl, Robby and I don't like. And this other instance, Robby had told me on a phone call, that Travis dabble into lean with some guys. If anyone doesn't what "lean" is, it's that purple drank shit. So I knew around the late April/early May 2015 that things were changing.

    Robby out of all the people that were within our "crew" is a guy that I still consider a good friend. He's out in the Air Force and getting his life together. He isn't an alcoholic or addict, but he did dabble in drugs while he was in college for a year.

    In returning to your post about the cocaine. It does hurt when people you care about, break promises to you. I mean Travis "promised" Robby and I, he wouldn't "do hard drugs." Given what I know about his past drug abuse in high school(he went through some fucked up shit doing meth and heroin in high school that would make an Oscar winning screenplay), I cared about him while the same time I was his friend.

    The feelings we had during that whole period just appeared to be an overlap of platonic(85-90%) to maybe some sexual(15-10%).