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Mothers day is now the day I lost my mother

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ArtemisStrange, May 10, 2016.

  1. ArtemisStrange

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Colorado Springs
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Hi. Bite-size version: I'm trans. I've been full time for several months. Growing up, my Dad was a non-entity (Possibly worse, but I dont know). My Mother was the only real parent I had. Extended family werent really a part of my life. My friends had a tendency to stab me in the back. My brother and I were close, but there were periods where we just didnt connect right. The only person I ever had to count on was my mother. I came out to her in Feb. She said she was bothered, but talked like she would deal with it. Later she starts with some serious headgames. As in I started doubting my sanity. She told me never to speak with her again. To remove her from my contacts.

    Mothers day. I felt like I owed it to her to send her a message. "Happy Mothers Day" She is my mother after all. was. I promised my boyfriend I wouldnt send anything else. She responds "Thanks, how are you?". I leave it alone. There is no answer to that that she will be okay with. Couple hours later I get "Well fine then. Once you are settled in and comfortable with being a girl you can look into what its like to be an adult."

    I kept thinking that I would one day have a mother back. The past few months I have been struggling to deal with my depression, questioning my sanity, all without being able to get ANY support from my family. I've been working a job, paying rent, going to therapy and life has not stopped dropping shit on me. I've had no choice but to see what its like to be an adult. I put up with her bullshit, rather than lashed out like a child would. I've helped others deal with their shitty lives. I've become one hell of a Woman and while I still have bad days I have even managed to taste happiness. I know a hell of a lot more than her what its like to be a woman because I had to fight tooth and nail to get here.

    I finally noticed how she has become toxic to me. I know she is no longer my mother. I will never get her back, and even if I did I will never be able to see her the same way. She was the one person I could count on not to stab me in the back. I'm so angry, and I'm so depressed, and I'm having trouble functioning as a human. I almost want to kill myself just so she understands how much this hurts...

    Sorry, I needed to say something to someone.... and all of this is wasted on her. I dont have a family any more. She brought them ALL with her.
     
  2. Eveline

    Full Member

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    Location:
    home
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You are so brave and I'm so sorry to hear how hard and painful it has been. I wish I could make things better somehow but all I can do is hug you with words and let you know that you are not alone. Remember the journey that you have taken, how far you've come... you've found a way to survive and each day takes you one step closer to your destination. Look inside of you and see the beauty that is blossoming deep down at the core of your being. Time passes quickly and even if things might seem bleak right now, that spark inside will become the burning heart of someone who truly feels alive and whole.

    Feel better soon and if you need a friend to talk to, I'm here for you,

    Much love,

    (*hug*)

    Eveline
     
  3. driedroses

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Louisville
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I lost my mom a few months ago too, when I came out as bisexual. She has also disowned my transgender daughter - not that I would expose any of my children to her particular brand of hate anymore.

    I think the biggest issue is that society tells us that moms are our allies, no matter what. Unfortunately that just isn't true all the time. I know it's hard. I know you're hurting. I believe, though, that family is what we make it. Love makes a family. Support makes a family. Find those people - the ones who love you and support you - and make them your family.

    (*hug*)
     
  4. greatwhale

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I am truly sorry for your loss. She doesn't realize what she has lost too, as their good book says: forgive them, for they know not what they do...

    What you need to do is what LGBT folk have had to do for decades: build your own family! Spend enough time making friends from your own circle, and get to know their friends...before you know it, you will be dealing with all of the same family "shtick" that happens in biological families, only, you get to choose who will be a member of yours!

    It hurts to leave behind someone as close as one's mother, but you owe her nothing, she has forfeited any right to any part of your life. Too bad, her loss, your gain.
     
    #4 greatwhale, May 10, 2016
    Last edited: May 10, 2016