So I'm completely out at work. 100%. Since day one. Everyone knows me, everyone knows I have a wife. Somehow, I keep ending up being invited to work by this one girl who is so IGNORANT when it comes to LGBT people. And she's said lots of stupid things over our multiple lunches. Well today she starts talking about how she has a cousin who has long hair and how her cousin acts girly even though he's a boy. And she says she thinks he must be gay or androgynous or something. Then she proceeds to say how his parents ought to really force him to cut his hair and act more like a boy. I literally said to her, "I'm right here! I'm ALSO androgynous!" She goes quiet for a second. Then pick up her story right where she left off! Now she's prefacing everything she says with "Our family is supportive BUT-blah blah blah, something insensitive and insulting about LGBT people." And "I have no problem with it BUT- blah blag blah, stabbing comment that makes you want to vomit." And I literally did want to vomit! I was so sick I couldn't eat. I objected three or four times, saying things like "If he wants long hair let him have long hair!" and "Good for him for knowing who he is at such a young age!" But my coworker didn't get it and STILL didn't shut up! I eventually tuned her out entirely and completely ignore dher for the entire rest of the hour. There was one other coworker with us, and she was shocked into silence. She didn't say a single word the entire time. And after insensitive coworker went to the bathroom, the remaining shocked coworker turned to me and APOLOGIZED for all the shit the first one way saying. That's how bad this lunch was. I mean, how hard is it really to put yourself in someone else's shoes? Can you imagine if we said about straight people some of the SHIT they say about us? Can you imagine what this lunch would have been like if I started off with "I have this cousin who looks so straight! It's an embarrassment! His parents should really do something about him and make him act more gay. I mean, I'm SUPPORTIVE of straight people, but come on. At least make him wear lipstick or something?" Like whoa! The uproar that would cause! People from the next booth over would probably run over to scream at me. But it's TOTALLY OK for comments like that to be made about LGBT people. What the hell. I'm so angry! I just had to rant and share this with people who would understand and who've probably been through this before.
Wow. Great for you for standing up against her. If I were in that situation and she just wasn't getting it, I would stop her and ask, "And why does this matter to you?" Is she tried to explain that she was just telling a story, I would re-iterate, "Yes, but you seem very interested in his long hair/sexuality. Does he care this much about yours?" But I don't give a flip what people think of me so.... :]
You might refuse to eat lunch with her, even if that means at a different table. If she get's really annoying, you could file a report (assuming there are protections against LGBT harassment), but she would probably know it's you. Just try to limit your exposure but also be not afraid to speak your mind and nip her intolerance in the bud.
Oh, I have a great update for everyone! I was DREADING coming to work today (I mean like physically sick, almost vomited type of anxiety). But before I went in, I texted one coworker who I trust and told her the entire story. When I came in this morning I had a surprise! One by one, each of my coworkers sought me out in private (when they knew the original person who I went to lunch with wasn't around) to ask me if I was ok, what the heck it was that girl said to me, and if there was anything they could do. (word had clearly gotten out from the one girl I texted.) Some of them were genuinely concerned for my emotional well-being, and others grew very angry when I told them what lunch coworker had said. Eventually, by the end of the day, practically the entire hospital team had come to check on me. I was so happy I almost cried. And knowing I have such great coworkers and really it's just the one who's stupid really made my day. I couldn't be happier with the result.
So pleased you got support from your colleagues. In the UK at least, what your very unpleasant co-worker was saying would be enough to have her at minimum disciplined, at worst, fired. Can you report her, ask if the other woman would be a witness? What is your bullying & harassment policy?
Those kinds of people you have two choices. Educate them or ignore them... Arguing and being smart assed isn't going to make them perceptive to any opinion other than their own. Not that I blame you for getting hot headed. But just saying.