does my friend like me as more than a friend

Hey everyone, new here and very confused about a friend of mine. It's a very long story so I tried to divide it up by bullet points. Basically, we met 5 years ago when we worked together and ever since then I've been very confused about it all. I didn't have feelings at first but now I feel as if I do or am at least curious to experiment with him. The main problem is if he doesn't feel the same I don't want to make things awkward. So here's some of the stuff that has gone down over 5 years. I'm sure I've forgotten some of it but trying to think back this is what I remember:

-Where we worked, everyone always joked he liked me because he'd follow me around like a puppy dog. I thought nothing of it because I was 28 and he was 18. However, he would grab my butt occasionally, which I brushed off.
-I received a text one night saying he saw my sister. I said how'd you know it was my sister? He said because she's hot like you
-He told me his friend liked me but I always thought she was more into him(more on that later). So the 3 of us went out and I asked him that night what she thought of me. He said she said you were cool and left it at that. It was never brought up again and I really don't think she ever was attracted to me.
-He went to visit his family and brought me back a souvenir out of nowhere. Said he had to talk to me. SO he pulled it out of his bag and snuck it to me so nobody would see he got me anything. It was a pink flamingo spinning toy
-He always asked if I wanted to go to the movies or do stuff but I was his boss so I declined at first. We went for ice cream one day and mini golf with his "girlfriend" and he told me it felt like a date. So I ignored it because I figured he was joking.
-We went to a movie together and after he was walking by me and said what do you want to kiss me or something? So I said huh, because it was out of nowhere
-I got him a job across the hall from me and he would stare into my job every day and everyone from my job was like he's been staring at you all day, every day. Again, it was early in the game so I brushed it off.
When we'd hang out, he was touchy feely at times. Always grabbing my arm hair and commenting how long it was. Then he felt my leg hair and said the same thing and then told me to feel his to compare. This was when we were sitting alone in my car. He also did that with wanting me to flex one night. So he felt my arms and then wanted me to feel his.
-He does personal training so he's usually touchy at the gym, which I give him a pass for. He always cleans up my sweat when I get up too which friends have commented that it's weird but I thought he was just being nice.
-We lost touch for a few months and this girl liked me that I worked with. So her and I went mini golfing. His sister told him and I immediately got a text saying I replaced him with her. My co-workers were like oh wow, he's totally jealous. SO we hung out again after that. he encouraged me to go for it and to kiss her, which I did a few weeks later. This has happened 4 or 5 times in the 5 years. Every time a girl is interested he comes back around and gets all jealous, asking who they are and just gets inquisitive, asking if i'm dating them, etc. He also said he has to meet them to see if he approves.
-A few years back, went out for my birthday and he brought his "girlfriend" along. She added me on facebook. That night he got angry with me for some reason and said I mean nothing to him, and the same goes for all of his friends and he wouldn't care if weren't friends. So it bugged me because it came out of nowhere. I noticed the next day I was deleted from her facebook. I asked him 2 days later because he dropped his credit card in my car. He said maybe she deleted me by accident. Anyway, he walked me out of his house and just stood there like nothing had happened from the night before.
-Met up a month later for his birthday and I invited his "girlfriend" as well. I asked about the facebook thing and she said HE made me delete you. I still to this day never found out why. he always denies anything with her but he went on a cruise with her and said they were just friends but showed me pics from the cruise and I saw on his phone naked pictures of her and a video of them making out on the bed together. I also saw he had just random naked girls on his phone, so I figured I was wrong with my assumptions.
-Lost touch again but then he contacted me to have dinner. Got me a souvenir and hid it in his jacket and then snuck it out right before we were about to leave. So we started hanging out again for a few months. Went to the gym several times and I always noticed he always would check out the men when they'd walk by. I watched as this guy he knew bent over and as soon as he did he looked his way.
-He started going to the gym with this really heavyset co-worker who was gay. I saw them the one night and he told the guy goodbye and followed me around the gym but said he considers me an acquaintance yet he followed me around for an hour. So I kept seeing them work out together and it bothered me because I felt essentially replaced. He texted me one night that his friend wanted to hang out with me. I didn't respond because I didn't want to hang out with the guy who I felt now monopolized my time with my friend.
-Went to dinner a few years back and I finally asked him about the text he sent saying I was hot and asked if he liked me. He got super defensive and said he was uncomfortable so I felt bad. All night and the following day. I saw him that night walking by my job and then he stopped in 10 min later-said he was doing some window shopping. He followed me around for an hour and a half. My co-worker said bs, he came to see you not window shop. So we hung out the few months then lost touch again.
-This girl liked me and I told his sister. That day he stopped by and asked me to dinner/gym. Went out had a nice time, spent about 5 hours out at dinner and sat in my car in his driveway for another 45 min just talking. When I pulled up it was silent in my car for about 30 seconds like he wanted to say something or wanted me to say something. This happens a lot. One night he said he had to go to bed but I pulled up and he sat in my car in silence for about 30 seconds, talked some more and then eventually left. We hung out a few more times. Went to dinner one night. so he ordered dessert and they brought it out with 2 spoons. he gave me a funny look and I said go for it, it's yours. he then said you can have some, so I said i'll eat from the one side. he said you know what we should do? we should feed each other, take pictures and post them online. clearly kidding but weird to say. so the ice cream collapsed and I told him I'm sure our spoons have crossed paths and he said that's ok and smiled. so we basically were eating out of the same bowl at this point. I also asked him if there were any girls in his life and he gave me a look like yeah right. he said his friends tried to hook him up with an 18 year old...he was 21 at the time. he said she was attractive but said she was 18. which doesn't seem like a big deal. he had a girl like him when we worked together. she was early 20's. he was 18. she was too old for him. so there always seems to be an excuse. I drove him home and that was that.
-I left my job and he came to visit for 4 hours the last night. Said he stopped by because he knew it'd mean a lot to me and smiled. so we just talked and I asked him what he looks for in a mate. he said "the person" has to be this and "the person" has to be that and stared at me. So I stared back and he was like why are you making this all creepy staring. I said because you're staring at me! He found out this customer gave me a hug earlier so he asked if I wanted him to give me one so I said yeah sure. So we walked around the mall-grabbed some pretzels and shared them alone in the backroom. I shared my water and apologized for any backwash so he said that's ok. He sat at the table and stared at me for literally over 2 min. Every time I looked up he was staring and nodding. So I stared back and it felt great. We got up and he hugged me and gently rubbed my back.
-We hung out the following week and again, spent hours talking over dinner. Talked relationships and he encouraged me to go for it if I like someone. Live with no regrets, make a big move, etc. he said he guaranteed it'd work out. I dropped him off at home and again, silence before he got out like he was waiting for me to do something. But I didn't.
-Went to dinner for my birthday like a month later-again talked for hours about relationship stuff and for over an hour kept asking me what's on my mind-I wanna help, etc. But he is constantly texting this person and it makes me feel like they're the one he wants to be with. He showed me his phone and it said "when are we getting all hot and sweaty at the gym"? So it bothered me and they called him but he didn't answer, said it'd be rude but quickly listened to the voicemail. He never tells me who it is, whether it's a guy or a girl. Always says don't worry about it. After we left, we got in my car and he asked me if I wanted a hug. So I said ok and he put his arm around me so my head went on his shoulder. We talked another 30 min or so and that was that.
-He stopped by my job with his friend and didn't come over to see me. So I asked him the next day when we went to eat and he was like does it bother you? does it make you feel a certain way? so I said no, when in reality it did. we went to look at Christmas lights and he said 3 times this kinda feels like a date. So I was annoyed with him so I ignored it, we went to dinner and he was quiet, texting that person non-stop and we walked out together. He was far away but gradually moved closer and brushed up against me all the way to my car.
-The next time we went to dinner we talked relationship stuff again. He said his friend said the youngest person you should date is you divide half your age and add 7. So my age came out to his age. He said that's a little young unless you date someone like me. We spent hours talking, he cut me a piece of his birthday cake at his house and he stood out in the rain in silence at 1am, not really leaving but we said nothing-just looked at each other for a while.
-We also got on the subject of blowjobs a few weeks later. He said he'd accept one as long as "the person" doesn't look like a troll. Again, not specifying male or female. We shared dessert that night, like we usually do and he told me I'm the only one he ever shares his dessert with.
-I bought us concert tickets to a show and he said I outdid myself. he said he was going to tell his family. So I said great, they're gonna think I'm a weirdo. he said yeah, probably. But you're my weirdo and smiled.
-had dinner on valentine's night. picked him up at 7, dropped him off at 11 and we sat in his driveway just talking until 12:45am. many times of silence but he didn't leave. His "girlfriend" asked if we were going on a date since it was valentine's day. he stopped by my job 3 days later randomly so we got a bite to eat. He just stared at me while I ate and I said what? He said "nothing" and smiled. SO 2 days later was the concert and he was a different person. Cold and distant, just angry towards me and that of course was the night I was going to open up to him. I tried but he said maybe you're gay when I told him men and women like me but I said I don't think so-there's nobody specific I like, even though that was a lie but he said his friend could hook me up with a guy. And I didn't want that because I only have eyes for him. SO he said and don't think we're going to sit in my driveway and talk for hours. HE sat in my car on valentine's night, I didn't force him. He was so different, it felt like someone had got in his head and made him feel like we were on a date. We didn't talk for about a month, then I saw him at the gym with some new friend. He waved and I went to talk to him later and he was still distant towards me. We walked outside to talk and talked about 30 min abut nothing. A lot of it was staring and nodding on his part, which i'm surprised he didn't make up an excuse and just leave. Then we lost touch again and I saw him last night and everything was ok, not perfect but we talked for like 40 min at his job and he's supposedly coming to see me tomorrow for lunch, if he remembers.

It just seems like when we get closer he pulls away from the situation. I've never told him how I feel but he tells me I'm hard to read and he'd never know if I liked someone. He told me that if he liked someone he'd never make a move and tell them because he's too nervous.. And whenever we walk around he always brushes up against me or doesn't move away when our legs or arms touch. When we walk around together you can seriously not even fit a sheet of paper between us. I just don't know it's so confusing. He never invites me out with his friends and is always different when they're near. One night I said our relationship is different and he agreed and he said he couldn't talk to his other friends like he does me because they'd make fun and call him gay. But when we're together he seems to be himself. Singing girly songs in my car, like I will always love you. It's raining men came on and he said it was a great song and started singing it. Just seems more relaxed with me but never opens up fully. Says he's good, nothing on his mind. But the night of the concert he said his mind is complicated like a tax form and I said what's bothering you then he said nothing at all.

I just don't know what his deal is and if I'm the one he desires. Sorry to write a novel. Hope someone can give me some insight. I'm sure there's more, just hard to remember everything. Everyone that knows him thinks he likes me but I always doubt it because I do feel something for him. It's just a different feeling when we're alone together, just sitting there staring in silence. I can't explain it. A spiritual masseuse told me if I like someone to go for it. A psychic last year told me he likes me. I keep seeing 11:11 everywhere and thinking of him when I see it. Or a song comes on everywhere I am that he likes. I feel like I'm getting signs but I'm not acting on them and don't know if I should. His distance and that person he texts and his "girlfriend" throw me off when I start feeling like something's about to happen.

Thanks in advance!

 

Sorry. Forgot to mention on valentines night he talked about wanting to move away and said he wanted me to move away with him. He said him and I are most compatible. And then like I said at the concert a few days later, he was so distant. Said if the concert was good maybe I'd get a hug. He liked the concert but apparently it wasn't good enough for a hug because he wanted nothing to do with it. Just very strange to flip like that. Some have said it seems he was harboring feelings and was trying to cover them up but I really don't know.

Ok, now I'm done. Sorry to add even more!

 

Yeah not sure. I saw him today and asked him any new women in your life and he was like noooooo. There never is. I just question that person he's texting all the time. But then I think if he's with someone he wouldn't have time to sit around with me for hours or go to dinner on Valentine's. If think he would go out with them on that night.

Like we had lunch today but nothing eventful happened. We got on the subject of underwear and he opened his belt and showed me what he was wearing and pulled them to show me how they fit because we were talking about buying underwear and what size to buy.

 

I am interested. There's something about him that makes me feel different. Even if we just experimented it'd be fine. I just feel most comfortable with him. It feels nice when we're together and alone and just sitting around in my car. In fact, I told him today how open I am with most stuff. And I told him anytime you need to talk about anything I'm around. He said ok, I'll keep that in mind. But he never does. And no, not on any of those apps. Still talks about women at times so it's confusing.

 

Haha yeah, gotcha. I really don't know. It feels like he's dropped plenty of hints but then I could see him freaking out for some reason. I'm sure that's the reason I haven't already made a move. That and even though he says he's single and laughs everytime I ask if he has any girls interested, does like a yeah right laugh, I can't understand why he constantly is texting that one person and is so secretive about them. Whenever it feels like I have an opening stuff like that happens and I back off. I try to look at the positives like being with me on Valentine's Day instead of whoever that person is and just the moments of sitting around just staring at each other. He could easily make an excuse like gotta go or go see that other person instead of hanging around me. I just don't know. It's so up and down and confusing.

 

Thanks for your input. It's so difficult to just ask him. I mean I did years ago and it hit weird but then he was back to hanging around me the next day. It's been going on far too long but I also don't want to make things weird. It feels as if we like each other but then I question that with all the little things he does to confuse me into thinking he's not interested. Like the chance in attitude, avoiding me, lying here and there, being secretive about stuff. He clearly trusts me but he doesn't open up.

 

haha sorry I just saw this reply. You could be right. We're finally talking again but it's been 4 months since we've actually hung out so that'll be next week. He was recently away and got me a small souvenir so that's a bit of good news. It's all very confusing but within the next few weeks I will definitely come clean with him, somehow.

 

Hi everyone...not sure if anyone will continue to reply to this message but just wanted to share an update. Still no real answers from my friend, unfortunately. We went to dinner finally last night, ate inside the restaurant(shared dessert again) and then sat in my car in the parking lot for about 4 hours just talking about whatever was on our minds. I don't have that type of connection with anyone else and it just feels nice for some reason. He mentioned about moving away again but also said he asked this girl that he is friends with and a gay friend who is much older than him too so whoever says yes first. He said I'm more emotional than he is and that he's more like a robot, which I agree. I'm only that way with him because of how I feel for him. We got talking too and I mentioned about his gay friend liking him and he said no he likes some other guy my friend went to school with. I said like what if he said he liked you? he was like well he's a dude so I'm not interested. He also said he could put the moves on me. I said oh yeah? He said yeah because I'm not attracted to you so it's easier. He said he could flirt but if there was a girl he likes he'd be all like uhhh uhhh and all nervous. The entire time his arm was resting right next to mine. Never moved. If he did he scratched his head then put it right back so it was touching mine. My hand even brushed up on his leg (totally accidental) and he never flinched. I also tested him with my arms and he's like no I'm not gonna feel your muscle. Then later on he was making a muscle and he was like don't touch it. At that point I was laying back in my chair so I wasn't anyway. But he made no effort to do any of that stuff plus he was watching this video of this girl who is Instagram famous of her doing this butt exercise and saying how much he loves her, etc but he could never make a move. We got on the topic of my arms again somehow and then he was feeling them up and telling me to flex this way and that way. Then he said look at that I'm getting an erection and now have to change my shorts-obviously joking but he finally was feeling them. He also showed me a pic of his abs because we were talking fitness still. He was looking for the one of him in his underwear but couldn't find it. Then I tested it and poked around on his stomach and he didn't flinch again. He was also bouncing his pecs around for a while too. When I dropped him off he was talking about what he usually does each day so I said so tonight you usually work out at the gym with the guys? He said yeah. So I said you canceled? He said yeah I canceled because I was taking you out to dinner. He said I canceled on them for you look at that. But he was supposed to text me today to let me know when he was free to go mini golfing next week but he never texted me, which I figured would happen. I asked if he knew this one kid that was at that wrestling event I recently went to and he said yeah I went to school with him and he was impressed how he looked. So I said on his fb page it says he's in a domestic partnership. He said he's gay??? I said on this it implies it but it could just be a joke. So he was like hmmm.

All of the things that have happened over 5 years made it seem he was possibly interested in me but then he said he wasn't attracted to me last night but was still kinda flirty. Everytime I want to make a move stuff like this happens and I feel like I need to back off. He has no idea how I feel either. I asked if anyone has ever been in love with him and he said no-I felt like saying you're wrong. I am but I just couldn't, especially after he said he's not attracted to me. But would he lie about that and if so for what reason?

Thanks again for anyone who has the patience to read this!

 

What ended up happening in your situation if you don't mind me asking?

 

Wow yeah what a crazy story. Hope it all works out for you!