I have a group of "friends" who I've known since childhood. We all used to be very close but I started to slowly grow apart from them these past few years because of mental health issues. They've known about my issues for a long time but still they've barely mentioned it or checked up on how I'm feeling apart from a rare couple of times. Basically, I've felt like they don't actually care about me because they haven't even called or texted me about all of this. And when we hang out they never ask me how I'm feeling and we only talk about them. Honestly just a simple "how are you?" text is enough and I feel like they would be more attentive towards their other friends had they been in my situation, but not to me.. My problem is knowing if I'm overreacting or if my feelings are justified. What do you guys think -- can I still consider them friends despite what I've said here?
I think many, if not most, people don't know what to say in these situations. Even "how are you?" is a worry. What if it puts a spotlight on the fact that you aren't well? And makes you more unhappy? I wouldn't dismiss them out of hand unless they've actively done something inexcusable. You might have to initiate for a little while. Show them that you're still interested in keeping in touch with them. "Hey. I'm having a good day. Want to go for coffee?" "Hey, I could use some fresh air and a catch up. Could you join me for a walk?" I think if they know you still need them, on good days and bad, they will be less reluctant to get in touch.
Friendship is a two way street. It's not always about the numbers, but if you like, you can always text them like what @Really has suggested and see what happens. For example - If you text one friend 10 times (with good reasons), and they only texted you back once, then yeah - he/she really doesn't care about you. Even though they're your childhood friends, doesn't equate them being lifelong friends either. When it comes to asking about your mental health, it isn't that they don't want to ask about it. They may not understand what you're going through or feel rude to mention it, since it is a sensitive subject.
True, true. I agree with you both and honestly I should just talk to them about how I'm feeling. But one last question, how would you guys personally interpret my situation if you were in my shoes? Would you see it as not a big deal, for example?
Oh, no, I would probably be as upset as you but I do know that communication is at the root of everything. There are very few people who are naturally really good at it. It either has to be a part of your upbringing or you have to actively work to improve it and most people don't. Your reaction is perfectly valid but your friends aren't being "bad" friends on purpose. Their communication skills are just average, that's all.
