I am just graduating and I need to find a job and choose somewhere to live. I was thinking of moving abroad, but I have this friend that I don't think I could live without. Am I stupid to stay here just to be with a friend? We were talking about moving in together.
Do you love your friend? Does s/he love you back? What happens when your friend starts seeing someone else? I have several friends that I love very dearly (in a platonic way) and I think I will be totally happy if we just buy an apartment and move in together and adopt a dog or something. I won't even care if it is totally non-sexual b/c they make me SO happy. BUT I know they are straight and want a traditional family, a.k.a husband and kids, so it will never work out.
I love her, but she is straight so I know she can never love me in the same way I love her. I knew she was straight from the beginning, so I am ok with it because I never got my hopes up, and like you said I don't even care if it's non-sexual because she makes me so happy. I know one day she will get a husband and kids, and then I'll have to leave. Right now that's not the case though, so maybe I could just live with her for now, and when she finds a guy I could move abroad then?
If you think that makes you happy, do that. But don't just stay because of her and only leave when she finds a guy. It's great to have someone but sometimes you have to jump into the cold water and see something new. Living with your friend can be awesome, but when you dream about going abroad, go for it! Maybe move to a country not that far away, so you can visit her regularly and then there's also skype. Or just move for a few months/a year and then come back. You should do what makes you happy and not let your happiness depend on other people.
OP, I agree with Embi that your happiness should never depend on others no matter how close they are to you. I don't know you but I know that if I made that many important decisions based on one person and later on that person moved to the next stage of their life without me, I would feel incredibly betrayed and resentful. Maybe you should also talk to your friend and get her opinion on the matter?
I spoke to her and she said as much as she wants me to move in with her, she also doesn't want me to make any sacrifices. However, I can't talk to her honestly about how I feel about her, so she doesn't realise that I would be happy to spend the rest of my life with her... I understand that I shouldn't let my happiness depend on her, but i just don't see how I can bring myself to leave her. I'd be very unhappy in the short term, I guess for a long term gain in life experience. It makes me sad to even think about not seeing her anymore though, I've never had a friend like her.
GatoAzul, it sounds like you have fallen in love with your straight friend who has no clue. I don't think you need me to tell you what a horrible idea that is. I fell for my straight friend first year in college and that was the first and only time I fell so hard for someone that I would literally jump in front of a train for her. She had no clue for a while until I finally confessed (I never said the words but implied it in a text message). She texted me back saying something along the line of 'Go find your next prey. I want nothing to do with you and do not talk to me again'. I went to beg her to give me one last chance to explain and she did not even turn to look at me. That was the end of it and I went on a huge downward spiral for the next 3 years. The worst part was that we were the same major so I had to sit through most of my classes in the same room with her and her new boyfriend and they were not shy about public display of affection. This is my cautionary tale to you. It's been 10+ years and I have recovered. I have fallen for other people a few times afterwards but sadly it was never as strong. But it is what it is and my (former) friend did nothing wrong. Well maybe she could've handled it better but she could never love me back so it was doomed from the beginning. GatoAzul, of course it is up to you but I think you should come clean to your friend (I don't know about the social repercussion in your situation though).
Yes, it's true, I have fallen for her, and it can't end well. I can relate to your story. I fell for a different friend once before, and I confessed, and we never spoke again. I just don't want the same thing to happen this time. So I really don't think I can tell her and risk losing the whole friendship. I'd just end up hurting both of us. I just wish I was straight, my life would be so much easier.
OP, I know this is absolutely none of my business but I am just frustrated you decide to further invest into something that you know is going to end badly. I totally understand that you want to keep it a secret, but moving in with your crush and pretending you are having a family is going to make things much worse. Sure she might change her mind if you keep investing more and more but you already know it is very unlikely. I don't mean to offend you or hurt your feelings. I just see myself in you when I was your age. I wish I had someone screaming and yelling at me to wake up and stop wasting my precious time on someone who could not love me back.
