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Ask my housemate if he wants to hook up?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by mlansing, May 13, 2016.

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  1. mlansing

    mlansing
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    Hey guys, I'm currently living with a bisexual male (I'm gay) whom I have feelings for. We're both out to each other and I told him about a month ago that I had feelings for him but he basically said he didn't feel the same way. The thing is we're really good friends and we always jokingly flirt and make jokes about gay sex and stuff like that. I'm wondering now if I should ask him if he wants to hook up (friends with benefits). I wouldn't necessarily be considering this except for the fact that I'm moving out of state beginning of July and so we won't be living with each other anymore and if hooking up spoils the friendship then at least I have an out.

    Would trying to hook up just not be worth it in the end though? Is it more valuable to walk away with just friendship between us without having crossed the threshold of physical intimacy? For so many years I've been the good boy that never acts on his feelings or urges and I'm tired of doing that. I'm 33 now, not getting any younger, and I want to experience these things while I'm young. Any thoughts?
     
    #1 mlansing, May 13, 2016
  2. Lance

    Lance
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    What are you hoping to get out of it if he did decide to do it? Maybe it is just me, but I don't think I would want to put a friend that I was living with in that predicament. You do have several weeks left with him still and it might make things awkward(I'm saying this without knowing what your friendship with him is like though). Also would you feel bad if he declined?
     
    #2 Lance, May 13, 2016
  3. Hieron

    Hieron
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    As I'd like to say: ''trying is the thing, what makes us an ambitious persons''.
    It's time to all-in the bank, because it's true- you're not getting younger by minutes. Talking is the key in all situations and you should tell exactly what you told us here to him (by that I mean asking him to ''hook up'' and some guestions what you wrote, which ones I'll leave you to decide).
    Distant relationships will never be the strongest and dominated ones, because you won't be able to meet so often like you did currently. That's why I'm suggesting you to talk to him before it's too late.
    Good luck~:thumbsup:
     
    #3 Hieron, May 14, 2016
    Last edited: May 14, 2016
  4. mlansing

    mlansing
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    I'm not too worried about making things awkward because he took me saying I liked him in stride. Worst-case scenario he'll say no and I'll feel just as lame and rejected as before, lol. Thanks for the advice Hieron, will try to say something at some point and see what happens.
     
    #4 mlansing, May 15, 2016
  5. AlmostBlue

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    If you think he'd be cool about this and can say no without becoming offensive, then why not? Maybe casually bring it up: I know you said you didn't want to date me, but how about having some fun before I leave? Keep it light and easy for him to say no, instead of a serious conversation? It depends on your characters though. Good luck! I just hope that if he says yes and you two end up doing this, your feelings won't get so tangled up.
     
    #5 AlmostBlue, May 15, 2016
  6. mlansing

    mlansing
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    Thanks, I think making it light and easy is key. I'm not sure yet if my feelings would get tangled up but the fact that I'm moving out of state not long from now makes me feel less concerned about that. I could also approach it by saying hey I'd like to gain some more sexual experience and I'd rather do it with someone I know and trust than with a random person (in other words make him think that this is a purely sexual request and not me trying to get him to date me).
     
    #6 mlansing, May 17, 2016
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