1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Ex Dilemma (Friend's Older Brother)

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by brbrow5, May 15, 2016.

  1. brbrow5

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 30, 2014
    Messages:
    56
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi guys-

    I haven't been on here in quite awhile and it's probably because I really only come on here for advice when I am in sticky spots. I have this dilemma with regard to my "ex" (sort of) and wanted to know what you guys thought.

    So last summer I graduated high school and was going about typical summer stuff, when all of a sudden an unexpected fling came into my life. One of my best friend's 22 year-old older brother (I was 18 at the time) reached out to me. It first started as my friend approaching me and saying "I told my brother you were gay because he actually came out to me a few months ago, so if you ever need anything just reach out to him." I was really shocked by my friend saying this because his brother was known in my school as being one of the best looking guys in my town and for having this "lady's man" reputation, so him being gay was quite the shock. I didn't really act upon it though.

    Anyway, a few day/weeks later the brother reaches out to me and I can immediately tell he's in for more than taking on this "mentor" role or whatever BS he told my friend to tell me. We eventually start talking/ hanging out, etc. There are so many details, including telling my friend about everything (he ended up being fine with it), but it ended up being the best summer of my life. Romantic dates in the city, trips to the beach, chilling out at his house- it was everything I wanted and he was perfect. But it never moved past the point of us hanging out (like 4 times a week) because we never told each other how we really felt one another. This was in part due to the fact that, by the end of the summer, we both kind of knew it was going to end. He was starting work in the city, I was moving away for college, it just wasn't going to work out. It was just a summer fling.

    So we both left to carry on our lives- but it was fairly evident that there were lingering feelings on both sides. He would contact me via text/ phone call, he would talk about planning trips to come visit, and I was still into it as well. Then one day (a few months into the first semester) it all stops. The calls stop coming, there's no longer any talk about seeing each other, and I was so caught up in my life at school that I didn't really seem to notice (or care).

    When we came back home for break, all of those intense feelings came rushing back to me. I reached out to him to hang out, but his responses were few and far between, and when he finally did mention about "grabbing coffee" it seemed to me like for him it was more of a chore and less of a shot a reigniting our summer fling. So I never texted him to follow through, and he didn't either. Since then, I wondered what I did wrong. Perhaps we're just not going to work out because we are at different points in our life. What I do know is that when it was right for us, it was so right.

    Over that winter break, I also learned from my friend that his brother was angry at me for a particular reason. Keeping in mind the aforementioned reputation that he has in my town and the fact that he was still in the closet for the most part, he was angry that I told some of my friends that we had been seeing each other. While I absolutely should not have done this, at the time, it was the first moment where I could be open and honest with my close friends about who I was seeing (having just come out to them a little while before and having to keep other relationships a secret before) and it felt wrong to hide it once more. I am not sure if he is still angry about this, but I haven't reached out because more than likely he wants nothing to do with the guy who's four years younger than him, friends with his brother, and revealed his sexuality to some people in his town. (Wow even typing that out I realize I am such a jerk). The only time I did say anything to him was to thank him, when he wished me a happy birthday in January.

    It has been an entire semester (5 months), and once again I am home for the summer. I miss him. I miss the times we had last summer, and I have spent a year attempting to move on but failing to do so because time with him just felt really right. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he's moved on or what he's up to. Do I attempt to subtly reignite past flames and reach out or do I give it up for good? It doesn't really help that my friend would be against it probably. I just am really at a standstill, wondering if I put myself out there at the threat of being embarrassed or what. At this point he, my friend, and everyone else think I am done with him and have moved on. Is it really a good idea to act in a way that suggests the contrary idea? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks guys
     
    #1 brbrow5, May 15, 2016
    Last edited: May 15, 2016