I fell in love with my best friend almost 4 months ago. She doesn't know, but she does know I'm bi and she's okay with it. The only reason for my trouble is that I'm bringing it upon myself. I'm constantly fighting this urge to touch her or hug her or kiss her. It just feels so wrong because I'm thinking all of these lewd thoughts about her and she has no idea. It feels like I'm taking advantage of her and her closeness to make contact with her. I'm not sure it makes sense. :icon_sad: But it just feels wrong, and I can't make it stop. Piled on top of THAT is the fact that I haven't yet come to terms with my sexuality. I feel bi, but I mostly like girls. I thought it would never happen, but now I feel like a disgusting human being because of my sexuality for reasons unexplained. Does this happen to everyone??
There's no reason to feel bad about yourself. You can't help who you fall in love with. It just happens. If you're sure your friend doesn't feel the same way then you're probably gonna have to find a way to move on. You're not the first person to ever fall for their straight friend. It happens all the time. Don't beat yourself up about it. You need to find a way to accept your sexuality and stop seeing it as a bad thing. Whom ever you end up with whether it be a girl or a boy just do it for love. Everything else will work itself out.
I lived the same situation as you, near in details. I was in love with my best friend I also controlled myself for not touching her, even if I found it really difficult ^^ At a moment of our life we all have felt this feeling of disgust to ourselves, accepting ourselves isn't a simple task, but when you reach this point, almost nothing can affect you. If you really feel incomfortable with the feelings that you have for her I would tell you to tell her or try to giving up on her
Don't feel disgusted by your attraction. I've been in a similar place. In my case he didn't know I was bi and I was really confused because many conversations and some actions on his part walked a tightrope. I think you have better position than I did. Your friend knows and excepts you. Not sure how close you are but maybe carefully think of telling her your feelings. A good close friend is hard to come by and in my situation I phased myself away from one and a good family not saying something. It's a tough situation I feel for you.
