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Tired of being gay...How do I deal with it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TimePortal, May 16, 2016.

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  1. TimePortal

    TimePortal
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello all. I am a 23 year old gay male. I am pretty content with my life. I enjoy my job and where I live, etc. However, the one thing I wish I could change is my sexual orientation. I wish I wasn't attracted to men. Let me explain. I have accepted myself as gay and know I can't change it, but I am tired of being attracted to guys when they aren't attracted to me.

    Quite often I meet a guy who is nice, friendly, and cute/handsome. I am attracted to these types of guys, so I develop small "crushes" on them. However, I later learn they have/had a girlfriend. Not all guys I meet and am attracted to have/had girlfriends but a lot of them do.

    I would like to know how you all deal with these feelings of being attracted to people who will never be attracted to you. Frankly, I am tired of it. I am 23 years old and I've never been in a relationship and I'm pretty embarassed about it. I had a lover a few years ago but he pulled the "I want to marry a woman and have and kids" card and never heard from him again. He was the only person I've ever had a connection with. He accepted me 100% for who I was and was the only person I've ever been in love with. I am over this guy now.

    However, this experience led me to want a relationship. I am not actively seeking a relationship, as I am focused on advancing my career/improving myself. Still, I wonder what it's like to have a significant other. Often, I am attracted to guys who end up being straight and this makes me feel sad, since I have no chance with them. I've tried several apps but most guys just want to hook up or are not my type. I get turned off by obnoxious, d**chy, a-holes, and there are a lot of those types in my city.

    Do you all have any tips?
     
    #1 TimePortal, May 16, 2016
    Last edited: May 16, 2016
  2. PrettyinPunk

    PrettyinPunk
    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
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    Hi there! I think plenty of people here can relate to the whole being attracted to someone who will likely never be available. Part of being a sexual minority I suppose. I know it can be a defeating feeling but you still have plenty of time and opportunities to keep meeting guys you click with. Don't be embarrassed about not being in a relationship before. Its not that unusual for your age, and there's many older people who are in the same boat. Being in a relationship is about sharing yourself with another. If that's what you want good but don't use it as a measure of personal worth.

    I'm not sure if I have any specific tips on where to meet guys of your type. I'm sure other members could advise you better. In general, you could try looking for people in your line of work or through a hobby or passion outside of your career.
     
    #2 PrettyinPunk, May 16, 2016
  3. OnTheHighway

    OnTheHighway
    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    While just going about your daily life in a heteronormative society can still lead to you finding a great guy, its up to you to increase your odds and play the numbers. Maybe you need to find an alternative way to search for a relationship where you increase your odds of meeting other gay guys? In the area where you live, are their social groups, meet up groups, LGBT charities or LGBT sport leagues that you can get involved with? The more you surround yourself within the LGBT community, the higher your odds increase to find a compatible guy.
     
    #3 OnTheHighway, May 17, 2016
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