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How to deter straight flirting while closeted?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Trooper, May 17, 2016.

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  1. Trooper

    Trooper
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    Hey,

    There's a girl in my class who has recently started flirting with me pretty intensely. First I thought it may have all been in my head; my self esteem is rather poor since I've failed at gay dating pretty badly.

    But now even some mates have commented that she's clearly head over heels for me. I should add that I'm not out to anyone in my class. I have some close friends there whom I have not told, so I don't feel comfortable coming out to this girl who really doesn't know me at all. I should add that no one suspects I'm gay, although I never intentionally try to "act straight".

    This situation is uncomfortable because well, I'm not out, but also hopelessly single, and she's hot and we get along well. But I'm also gay (how typical that she had to be a girl :dry:slight_smile:. So I would love to get some tips on how to make her understand that we will stay strictly friends without saying it out loud, since she has not openly admitted to flirting with me, either.
     
    #1 Trooper, May 17, 2016
  2. greatwhale

    greatwhale
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    In conversation, you can casually say something to the effect of: "My last boyfriend was..."
     
    #2 greatwhale, May 17, 2016
  3. AlmostBlue

    AlmostBlue Guest

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    I think you just have to make sure you don't say or do things to lead her on, such as compliment her too much or be touchy feely with her. If you don't reciprocate her intense flirting, then hopefully she will get the message. If she does come out and tell you she's interested, then you can just say you're not looking for a girlfriend at the moment, and make up some excuse.
     
    #3 AlmostBlue, May 17, 2016
  4. Robert

    Robert Guest

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    Pretend you already have a girlfriend
     
    #4 Robert, May 17, 2016
  5. Trooper

    Trooper
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    Yeah. I will try, thanks. It's just hard because I'm naturally nice to people who are nice to me, but I will try not to be too enthusiastic around her, lol. How typical, if she was a dude I would have been so happy, but those I just can't find for a serious relationship (beyond just sex). :lol:

    This has happened several times before with other girls, in general they tend to become more and more desperate until they become rude and we just cut contact.

    Thanks, I'll be ready with this if it happens. Appreciate the help.
     
    #5 Trooper, May 17, 2016
  6. AlmostBlue

    AlmostBlue Guest

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    Well if hot girls are going crazy for you, then it's only a matter of time that hot guys you get along with will be too! Hang in there! If she continues this way, then maybe you can preemptively tell her that you're not looking for a relationship at the moment and you'd like to be friends. This might go better than to wait until she becomes desperate and self implode.
     
    #6 AlmostBlue, May 17, 2016
  7. cakepiecookie

    cakepiecookie
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    I wouldn't say anything preemptively - in my experience, it results in them getting defensive and making you feel like an arrogant idiot for assuming they liked you (even though they obviously did). I guess you could generally talk about how you're not looking for a relationship right now, but she may or may not take the hint.

    Just be distant with her and have an excuse prepared for if she makes a move. Tell her you're flattered but you're dealing with some personal stuff at the moment and don't feel capable of having a relationship right now. If she doesn't take the hint and keeps insisting, tell her that you're sorry but you simply don't share her feelings and don't want to lead her on.
     
    #7 cakepiecookie, May 18, 2016
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