Do I owe her an explanation?

Sorry for the long rant that will ensue. So I've been avoiding my straight best friend these past few weeks. I chose to do so because I was falling in love with her and i knew nothing good could come out of this. She's the straightest girl ever. (Cut to the last paragraph if you don't feel like reading the backstory)

We were undeniably close but I always felt that I was investing so much more in our friendship than she did. Some people in our circle of friend told me I was too good to my bff and they thought she might be using me. So I brought it up to her, she said it wasn't true & I believed her. I would say our friendship has been rather problematic.

First, there was a fuckboy that was using her, she would act irrationally leave me in the middle of the streets downtown alone at 3am to catch a cab with him, stuff like that. Then whenever there's boys around she completely ignores me and acts like a brainless bird.

Secondly, the fake friends problem. She has two friends she's always been friends with, but their friendship is based on backstabbing and betrayals. Still she always goes out with them and again she acts like a brainless pigeon around them. & yes those two friends are complete groupies when boys are around them too.

Thirdly, so when I confronted her about the two points above, she said she'd change and would be a better friend. She did change for a while... until she started ditching me for a random girl who was going through a breakup. She would text her while hanging with me, be on the phone with her during our study sessions, ditch our gym dates to give company to the other girl because she was alone. I mean I understand the other girl in distress needed my bff, but I needed her too. Then when I told her about that she responded "but I was following your advice to be a better friend".... I can't believe my own advice backfired on me so badly.

I know it sounds like she's bad news but she does have redeeming qualities. Anyways, it's hard to believe I stuck up to her after all this BS even I couldn't understand, why was it so hard to leave her? That's when I realized that my feelings for her weren't purely platonic. Believe me when I realized that i thought FML:bang:. So i tried to put distance & just being a friend to her, but that didn't work out I would still get hurt when she'd talk about her boys problem, and she's still a shitty friend.

I think i was blinded by my feelings for my bff, but I don't blame her, her feelings about our friendship were genuine just that her actions didn't show that. However I feel that our friendship was a lie. It was me fancying her because of my feelings for her & that's so toxic. So I decided to cut her off without any explanations. I don't want to tell her I have feelings for her & risk the fact that she might tell other people. But I feel mean cutting her off like that when we used to talk & see each other everyday. So do I owe her a explanation?

 

she hasn't texted or called me. So i guess I don't need to do anything got now unless she asks it herself. It sounds fair. Thanks so much for the advice, it might seem simple to think that but i was so overwhelmed with everything.