I feel like GOD hates me.

God doesn't hate you, LGBT people, or anyone for that matter. It is his misguided and ill-informed followers that preach the hatred and bigotry.

 

It sounds like you are having a hard time right now, but I think you are jumping to conclusions in attributing it all to God's displeasure at your actions as a 6 year old, or your sexuality.

Many thousands of gay Christians in different countries have prayed to God to "change them" and nothing ever happens. Why? Because there is nothing to change. Even Exodus International (an organisation that dedicated 37 years to trying to "pray it away") gave up in the end and apologised to the LGBT community for all of the pain and distress it had caused. The point is, God doesn't need you to be anyone else and you are not a condemned person for having same sex feelings and attraction -- He loves you just the way you are.

Maybe try to tell us why you are struggling so much, so we can help.

 

I've been where you are, I know how it feels.

Maybe you've come to a place where you are ready to question your belief system about what and who your God is? Whether you want to continue on that path or perhaps a different path is right for you? Sometimes just changing churches can help, but sometimes there is a very real problem with the belief system you have as well.

I was a deeply devout and conservative Christian for many years. My entire life was centered around my faith and what I believed about God and his [sic] will or plan for me.

Let's just put it this way: If there is such a being as God, and I sometimes believe there is, then I believe that being to be the very essence and source of unconditional love—Divine Love personified.

For me, my crisis of faith it turned into a search for truth. It scared the hell out of me, literally speaking, because what I landed on (which may well be very different from what you may land on) was that I no longer believe in an angry deity who sends people to hell, and certainly not for believing the wrong doctrines or performing the wrong rituals.

I would encourage you to explore the teachings of other forms of Christianity, other faiths, as well as various forms of non-faiths.

I have times where I believe in Divine Love personified, I have times where I don't. But what I always find is that when I do, Divine Love is never condemning or judgmental of me. Divine Love is always soothing, strengthening, calming, and helps me center myself and love myself so that I in turn can love others better.


Since you identify as a Christian, I would like to remind you of 1 John 4:8, which states that "God is love," and I would encourage you to make a connection to Paul's 1st letter to the Corinthians, where love is described in the following way (copy-pasted from NIV at BibleGateway):

Various Christian preachers of different brands and varieties try to define love in ways that suit their doctrines, but there is one theme that connects all Christians who share a loving and accepting attitude towards others: They make love the defining value and principle of their understanding of God.

Be brave. If there is such a being as God, don't you think that being would have appreciated your search for truth? If you return to your original identify as Presbyterian, good for you. If you don't, good for you. You will grow from the exploration and experience in any case.

 

Have you been diagnosed with depression and are you receiving any formal support with it? When we are depressed it's difficult to see purpose in life or to consider things in a positive light, and it can magnify any issues that we may have or hold. It sounds like your sexuality might be something of an issue and I'm wondering if that's only due to your faith/belief system or if there are wider issues concerning your sexuality - maybe with family, friends? Your out status implies that you are very open about being gay, but it doesn't give anything away about your experience of telling people. Is that, or has that been an issue? Tell us more about the depressed feelings and diagnosis, if you can.

 

He speaks the truth. There were nights when i cried myself to sleep hoping i would wake up straight. I honestly thought i had done something to deserve this.

I realized that there was nothing in me that needed to be fixed, and i was born right the first time ;-)

(&&&)