So, I have come to realize that I am the person in the relationship that needs constant validation... And I don't like being that person. How do I get over this? I know why I am like this... and it all stems from my past relationships with guys. Forcing myself to be with guys and knowing that it would never work out. I liked them but didn't want to be romantic with them. So I would force it and basically pretend till I just couldn't do it any more. Now, I'm terrified that I will be on the other side of that. I've been with my girlfriend for almost 2 years now and I go through phases where I need constant validation. I'm a very independent person and can do things on my own, always have and always will, but I'm needy when it comes to affection. She's very independent as well but is not super affectionate. When I get really clingy, she pushes away a little and just wants her space. We talk about this and we know where each other stands but I seem to go through these phases and it annoys her. We always talk through it, and it never really turns into a big deal, but this does affect my anxiety levels. Does anyone have any suggestions of how to manage these feelings when they do arise?
When you're feeling this way, perhaps you should stop and breathe. Remember all the good memories you have with your girlfriend. Remember how amazing you are. With this higher confidence of yourself, it'll boost your mentality and you would validate by yourself. I know it's hard, but I understand the feeling as well. This is what I do when I am feeling in need of validation from someone I like. You girls been together for 2 years, I believe she's in it for a long haul.
I used to have a friend who also needed constant validation from every aspect of his life. I noticed that if any guys were interested in him, his demeanor would drive them away. When I met him, he was in a relationship with my boyfriend at that time best friend. I saw him as being very clingy and wanted constant validation and attention from this guy which eventually led them to arguing a lot and his boyfriend started hooking up with other guys behind his back. As a friend, his behavior had gotten really bad over the years that it lead to him being very jealous of me having a solid relationship. Even after my relationship had ended, I tend to have a lot of guys who shown interest in me whether it was dating or just hanging out or friendship. This drove him crazy where he became very malicious towards me because he wanted my undivided attention to seek the validation that he thrived for. Unfortunately, I had to go my separate ways after the last incident he pulled on me. Its been over fifteen years since I've had any contact or better yet seen him publicly. I would really hate for your situation to turn out in any way like this. I wish you the best and I hope you find positive outlets to help balance everything out in your life with this situation.
