Ok, first things first, I'm a femme lesbian. I only like really femme girls. Like, long hair, make-up, perfume girls. I live in an area with quite a few LGBT people, but I've noticed that literally every lesbian I know is butch. I don't want to sound mean when I say this, but I find butch girls very unattractive. They just aren't my type. I've had a lot of crushes recently, but it's so frustrating not being able to tell who is gay or straight because the type of girls I like don't give any outward signs of what they are. It's made equally difficult since very few people actually know I'm gay, since I went through an experimentation phase where I went with a few boys, and I'm femme myself. The dating pool is so small as a "lipstick lesbian". Pretty much every girl I've had a crush on has been straight. I know this is more of a rant than a question but...does anyone know what I can do? Can I make myself appear more outwardly gay? Are there things I can do to appear more flirty without sounding creepy so I can find out what these girls' sexualities are? Thanks
Oh, wow, I can really relate. Every woman I've been interested in except one has been straight and I'm not into the 'butch' aesthetic either (well, haven't been attracted to any particular one yet). I did, however, develop a crush on a very boyish girl. I suspect she was trans (I could tell she was binding, wore very masculine clothes, boyish haircut) but she went by a female name so I couldn't be certain. But she definitely wasn't 'butch' if that makes sense. I never got the nerve to find out more about her. I'm not super femme at all but still pass as straight. I'm not dating but it would be nice to make connections without drastically changing how I present myself. The only thing I thought of doing was to buy some LBGT pins and a necklace in the bi colors (it was prettier than the pan one lol) so maybe someone will notice it. But I totally get how people resort to certain looks to advertise themselves. I mean, come on, it's so frustrating being invisible!
That's interesting. I get a lot more come-ons from feminine girls now that my style is more andro than it used to be. (I used to be a lot more femme. Passed as straight most of the time.) You don't have to be "butch" to harness both masculinity and femininity. To me it's not about advertising. It was about getting comfortable in my own skin and feeling like I was me and not needing to be what someone else expected me to be.
have you tried meeting the type of girls you like over the internet (that live in your area) and maybe then having a conversation with them before hooking up? because it would be much easier for you if the girl is your type finding out if she likes girls too, i assume at least is easier for people to say that online than face to face if they don't know you, not sure but is a suggestion, however i think everyone will assume everyone is straight out there, unless the guy is super feminine or the girl is super masculine, but overall i think no one even thinks about people's sexuality otherwise in the traditional environments unless they are way outgoing on them or already know them
You could just ask the girls you like their sexuality, it shouldn't be such a taboo. Of course some of them might be offended (if they're even slightly homophobic) but you could just explain you find them really pretty and simply wanted to know. It would be a lot easier if people stopped assuming a person's sexuality based on their appearence, actually, it would be so much better if ''straight'' wasn't seen as default, you know? So whenever you see a girl that you're interested in just go for it - you never know...Good luck!(*hug*)
I am not super femme either but I can be also be passed as straight and I hate it. Sometimes I do get this vibe when I find a girl that is attractive. It doesn't happen often but sometimes in my mind it would say "HEY! THAT CHICK IS GAY!" I did two times ask those women if they were gay and both of them answered yes. Sadly one of them has a girlfriend so she is off limits and the other one well I guess she was not interested in me that way for some reason. (Her loss). You can bluntly ask someone if they are into the same sex. I mean the only downside answer that she would give you is a no. PS: There's this girl that works at a movie theatre that I go. She is defiantly giving the gay vibe every time I see her but I am too chicken to ask. The two girls that I was talking about was my co-workers so I felt comfortable asking them.
You could wear an LGBT rainbow badge while you're on the prowl. It'll give them a chance to question it, and an easy chance for you to let them know you are gay.
I'm super femme who's into super femmes. I wear two rings - one with pink and blue triangles on it (sign for bisexual) and one with "equality" in all capital letters. NO ONE who is straight would ever know what those meant. I even wore those when I wasn't out as a way to find out who else understood - it was a recommendation from a friend at the time who was also bisexual and did the same thing. I also have gone to bisexual or gay women's events, from support groups to private parties to lesbian bars, etc. When the party puts a label on it, you know who's who! For me and my friends there has always been an LGBT code - you don't tell to other people anyone else's orientation - and I expect it would be the same for where you lived.