Sorry this post doesn't have much substance to it, but we didn't even get to say goodbye ;_____;, I had to work and had no idea he would be leaving so suddenly...I had to run into the bathroom to get my shit together when I came back from work and someone mentioned "oh btw, X is gone". Just like that, and I had to run into a damn forest to cry my eyes out on the way home...I knew he was leaving, but not like this, not the way we left things...
I guess he just couldn't say good bye, and it'd be so much for him. Wow. I hope things get better for you.
We were involved for a few months...never officially, but it was very intense and beautiful. The reason it wasn't official was because of a pretty much dead relationship he was in (went weeks without seeing his bf, they were both cheating on each other). He had a lot of other issues in his life though (parents dying, disowning by the extended family) so the stability of having an official bf kept him going when he went home. It was physical at first, but I stopped it because I felt guilty even though his relationship was dead. It didn't end though because the sex ended, it got WAY more intense and we just spent hours together alone...he had feelings for me too. We tried being friends, and I was doing fine, but he kept pulling me back in. Maybe he didn't know how to be just friends, now that I think of it, but it was his failings in this aspect, and he still continued even after it was apparent that the sexing wasn't gonna be happening anymore. The final few days we didn't speak at all...I was waiting for him to talk to me, I had been texting him all week, but in the end he just left as I described. I went to work, came back, and he was gone. He lives very far away when he's not working, so he really is gone, and I don't even know exactly where he lives. I was expecting him to leave at the end of the day, you know, he hadn't spoken to me the entire week, so I didn't know he would be leaving during the working day. I know it's hard to take my word from it on a forum, but it was seriously real...there were just so many things that went unsaid, but you know when you're just with a person in silence, looking out a window at night and you just KNOW? It was like we both knew it would end, but I didn't want it to end like a bloody drama tragedy, you know? It was more like a cheesy 1940s film than reality...I guess it just felt surreal, how it could end in such a false fashion, as if it was scripted to end like that...blehhh ---------- Post added 29th May 2016 at 02:28 AM ---------- I hope so too...I feel like I need to tell him things that I can only say to his face, but that chance is gone now...it would be inappropriate to seek him out, it would be stalking in my books.
I... feel deep sympathy for you AMW. I think it was real, maybe too real for him? He seems like an unfortunately dysfunctional person. He got so much going on. Maybe he overloaded? I feel for you, the situation sucks, a lot. But, you will learn from this. Also, would you go back and avoid getting with him if you could? I think you would not. You will always have those memories
Thanks...it's therapeutic to get this shit out, I have nobody irl I can tell this stuff to so I kinda just puke everything out here. I guess I would do it all again, maybe try to make it end differently, but with all his issues I think it was gonna end always in a similar fashion. I have learned a lot, but I think it will be a long while before the pain leaves...I'm not ready for such an intense relationship again, I don't think I could take it mentally if the same happened again, not right now.
