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How to Gay 101?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TigerStripes, May 27, 2016.

  1. TigerStripes

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2016
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Maryland
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Basics:

    male
    20 years old
    virgin
    probably gay?

    Story time:

    I graduated high school without any real interest in relationships of any kind. After I moved 200 miles for college, I got my first/only/last(?) girlfriend. For a while, I was sure that it was the most real attraction I'd experienced. A year passed, and it eventually became clear that we never really progressed past "really close friends" and that I didn't want to. We split up amicably, and ever since, I've spent a lot of time thinking about guys.
    Sexuality-wise, the short story is that I need to at least try dating a dude. I have no interest in hook-ups, just a real relationship.

    Concerns:

    I'm afraid that I'll change my mind again. I was REALLY convinced I was in love with that girl, and if I'm going to back out of the whole thing, I don't want to pull someone into that whole mess.
    How do I meet guys? I hadn't even figured out how to talk to girls yet. Does it ever ruin things to try to start something with a friend when they turn out to be strictly straight? Are there ways to meet guys that don't involve that risk (ones that aren't just for hook-ups)? The whole concept makes me anxious.
    My current living situation would require the closet. Is that okay to put on someone? What kind of frustrations come out of being on the other side of that?

    A lot of this, I think I just needed to say, but I'd love to have other peoples' experience where I don't have any.
     
  2. CameOutSwinging

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2015
    Messages:
    735
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    0
    Location:
    New York City
    Hey man! Thanks for posting. All valid stuff, let me offer some advice.

    1-Don't be afraid of "pulling somebody into this whole mess" if you want to try dating guys. Going out on a few dates with somebody doesn't guarantee a relationship that will last forever. Relationships end all the time, regardless of length. It sounds like dating guys is an important step for you in figuring out if you are gay or bi (or straight and just curious). So do it! The worst thing that happens is you do change your mind and things don't work out with the person. But you could also date a guy, discover for sure you like guys, but still feel like it's not working with that specific guy and break up. You're not tied to somebody forever just cause. Forever is a daily choice.

    2-Meeting guys is just like meeting girls. There's online dating. I don't recommend the hookup apps since you want something more, but the usual dating apps all work for meeting men too. There's also joining meet up groups or other activities where you will have the chance to meet guys. Just a matter of putting yourself out there.

    3-I'm not sure what you mean by ruining things if you try to start with a friend who turns out to be straight? If you hit on a friend randomly and they shoot you down, your friendship should be fine. But if they're clearly straight and showing no signs that set your gaydar off, you probably shouldn't bark up that tree anyway. If it's a friend who wants to experiment too, nothing wrong with that. Just be honest with each other. A friends with benefits relationship can end with the friendship still in tact. Just takes communication.

    4-Whether a person you're dating is okay with dealing with your situation of being in the closet is entirely up to that individual person. Just be honest about it.