1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Getting off the horse after a bad experience...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by greeneyes, May 31, 2016.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. greeneyes

    greeneyes
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Okay, so at the end of November, I had really bad non-sex. I mean really bad. It was way too aggressive, I ended up with bruises I should not have had, and it was stopped half-way through by the other person, whom I'm fairly certain was more inexperienced that I realised. Long story short, it was a clusterfuck of zero communication. I later dumped the person, feeling like I couldn't really trust them in the first place because they couldn't be honest with me beforehand.

    The problem is, I'm totally over that person, but I don't think I'm over what happened. I'm having trouble trusting having anyone near my body again. Is that weird? Any suggestions?

    EDIT = *and I mean Getting BACK ON the Horse! Freudian slip!
     
    #1 greeneyes, May 31, 2016
    Last edited: May 31, 2016
  2. bryaninau

    bryaninau
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 6, 2014
    Messages:
    62
    Likes Received:
    0
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I can relate, I had a really bad experience with my first ex who was my first BF. It was on terms of sexual assault, What I did was give myself time and seek some professional help. If things are bad you might need more time or even talking to someone about it.
     
    #2 bryaninau, Jun 1, 2016
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,362
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I think, perhaps, you need to talk this through with someone because the aggression and betrayed trust has clearly left you with unresolved issues about sex and relationships. In the circumstances, it's hardly surprising, but you may need professional support so you can move on from what happened.
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Jun 1, 2016
  4. Orchidea123

    Orchidea123
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 22, 2015
    Messages:
    481
    Likes Received:
    151
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Sorry to hear this happened to you.
    It's better not to push yourself to be close to anyone you don't feel comfortable with. Give yourself time and don't force.
    You don't owe trust to anyone who you don't feel comfortable trusting. If past experience has affected you, give it some time.
    I wish I knew what else to advice here. Glad you broke up with them. Being intimate us not about showing off/proving experience. It isn't a competition or a race..
     
    #4 Orchidea123, Jun 1, 2016
  5. Aspen

    Aspen
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,471
    Likes Received:
    239
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It's not weird. You were betrayed by someone you trusted. I'm glad you're away from this person. Don't be afraid to seek professional help if you need to.

    Communication is the most important thing you can do moving forward. Talk about what you are and are not comfortable with beforehand. Talk during. Talk after. Set boundaries, for both of you. If you're okay with it, talk about what happened. If there's something you want to change, don't be afraid to speak up. And if you're not ready, that's okay. Anyone who pushes after you say “No” does not respect you.
     
    #5 Aspen, Jun 2, 2016
  6. jmkfour

    jmkfour
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sacramento
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    this pretty much sums up my thoughts on what you've shared. Im sorry this has happened to you and the advice above is a pretty good start. Anyone who knows what their doing will be able to openly communicate boundaries. if you can seek some kind of counseling, that may help sort out what your going through as well as help you sort out these complicated and painful emotions
     
    #6 jmkfour, Jun 2, 2016
  7. greeneyes

    greeneyes
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 23, 2011
    Messages:
    258
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NY
    Thanks everyone! All very helpful.
     
    #7 greeneyes, Jun 11, 2016
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)