Lesbians don't find me attractive and I've been single for years.

You're not alone. I, myself, often feel like no one finds me attractive. I probably wouldn't date myself either. And as far as being attracted to women who are not like you, many people do that, and not just LGBT people, but straight people too.

The best advice I can give is to first be happy with your appearance. IF you do change your appearance (and I'm not going to tell you you should or shouldn't), change it to something that makes you happy first and foremost. People often tell me that I have bad taste in clothes, or that I should shave or get a different haircut, but I am choose my appearance based on what I like first and foremost. If you don't like the way you look you will not feel happy and confident about yourself, and others will notice.

 

First off, I'd like to say that you sound really attractive to me

I myself had a hard time finding women who were interested in me when I first came out. I have long hair, a curvy body, and soft feminine features. I do have tattoos though, but nothing about me really stands out as "lesbian".

I created a dating profile and tried to put myself out there, but nothing much really happened. I went long periods of time just feeling sorry for myself because no one would reach out and talk to me. Eventually, I decided that I needed to be the one to make the first move. I messaged girls that I liked, and hoped for the best. If they messaged back, great, but if not then I moved on. (That's eventually how I met my now girlfriend)

So that would be some advice I have for you. If you haven't tried already, be the one to make the first move. I've noticed that with girls, they don't usually tend to do that. So if you want something, go after it!

Another bit of advice I'd have for you, is be confident. There is nothing sexier than a woman with confidence. You really do have to love yourself first before you can love someone else. And if women can see that you do love yourself, then they will want you too. I know thats easier said than done, but thats something I've learned. And don't think that you have to change yourself for others to like you. You are who you are, and the right woman will see that and love you for it.

Another thing to be aware of, is some women loving women are skeptical of girls who look straight. There is always the potential for rejection if they decide to make a move. They could also think that you're just curious and could end up hurting them, so don't take it personally. It's harder for the more feminine looking girls because of this reason.

I'd say keep your head up though, and don't give up. Try to be more assertive and see where that gets you. Don't be afraid to make the first move, and remember to be confident. If you know you're beautiful, then own it girl

 

Oh my gosh, I could have written your post! I feel exactly the same way! Like Mikey D said, though, I also think it's normal to be attracted to people who are not like you. And boy am I! I am attracted to tomboyish all-the-things-you-said girls and also super femme girls, and I am neither.

It has definitely been a little weird coming to grips with the whole opposites attract fact now that I realized I am gay, though. The whole "would you date yourself?" question is super weird, isn't it? But of course I asked myself that, and quickly realized that I am not my type at all. So I started trying to fit myself into one of the two categories of women that I am attracted to myself, because of course I want to be attractive! But trying to fit myself into my perception of someone's else's style isn't authentic and never feels right.

Of course, the way I am now may not be fully myself either...I was raised very traditionally, and the whole emphasis was on how to look feminine and attract men, which I was not interested in doing, but still that is all I learned! Now I am trying to attract women and feel like I have no idea what I am doing or what my real taste and style really is!

Also, I totally agree with Huckleberry about making the first move (I have had to do that every single time so far in order to get a date), and also about the whole assumption thing that lesbians do when they see more femme looking girls. For instance, I was at a lesbian dance recently, during a Pride festival in my town, and showed up as a member of a lesbian meet up group, but one of the women there still asked me if I was "just curious." It might have been because I said I was newly out, but I think if I had been wearing a tie and had a buzz cut she wouldn't have asked me that!

 

This is interesting to me because I'd think you've got it made. So many lesbians love femme girls. I'm one, too, and attracted to the types you name. I haven't been on the dating scene much for reasons, but I didn't think of this as a problem. I guess I did, but only in the sense that women wouldn't know I was interested in women. Reading this has me a little worried, lol.

If you don't like your pictures, then put up different ones! What about them don't you like?

 

From what I've seen, tomboys very often go for femmes.

That said, I have similar problems - guys hit on me all.the.time, but women? Basically never. Though I have recently realised that a large part of the problem is that everyone assumes I'm straight. I finally got hit on a few times when I went to lesbian-only events, which was a nice boost after feeling for years that lesbians were never going to be attracted to me.

I'm going to guess that your problem is that people assume you're straight or they're intimidated by you. Also, are you hitting on women yourself? As women, we're socialised to expect the other person to make the first move, so that's something to work on if you're not already doing it.

 

If you don't wear something rainbow then u don't think you'll be seen a femm is hard enough to spot but if you don't identify then what hope do others have. Maybe wear a rainbow bracelet or pin badge to identify yourself..... I go for femmes and it's really hard for me to spot them unless they are introduced to nd of Id that way

 

I think you should look hot for yourself. Not that you have to match the person you would date but so that you like to look in the mirror. From your description, I must say that you're style is very cool ^^

 

I can kind of relate when it comes to knowing if I come off as attractive (aesthetically) to other women. I'm sure it's lack of experience, I mean it hasn't been quite 2 years since I realized I'm not straight. I've embraced it wholly but I have zero point of reference on the subject. I don't know if other non straight people can tell I'm not hetero or not. I know every straight person assumes I'm straight, even when I'm dressed in a guys tank top and cargo shorts. It also doesn't help I'm dense when it comes to flirting in general. With members of the same sex I really can't tell. If a girl were to subtlety flirt with me, I don't think I'd notice at all.

In the end I don't plan on changing myself but a little insight would be nice, even for just curiosity's sake.

I recommend (like others have said) to not change yourself unless your comfortable with it, and be more assertive. Oh yeah, and maybe you're not your own type but you can still appreciate your beauty.

 

You sound attractive to me, if it helps

 

As I was reading your post, something my first gf once told me has come to mind...

A lot of time after our break-up, we were talking about dating other people and she told me that even if I always were the most beautiful of us (I am pretty normal, I'd say) she got to date more girls than I. And she said that it was because she is more... Outgoing, probably? And that my problem wasn't my appearance, cause that is ok, but my "behaviour" (god, this is way easier to explain when I think of it in Spanish), I guess being shy and introverted kind of stop girls from talking to me or getting to know me.

Do you think that could be part of your problem? That you don't seem "approachable"? Cause, apparently I gave (and still do) that impression and I wasn't aware at all! And I can assure you that some time after, with my hair short and sometimes having a tomboyish look (and everyone telling me I was way more handsome), I kept having the same problem.

About the photos... You should put the ones you feel say something about you. But that I take is very difficult. I have to say that I met my current girlfriend through an app... So there is still hope! (!)

 

Amen. If you're passive and don't signal to a lesbian that you're into other women (that you'r into HER), you're not going to convince her that you're worth her time.

I've had such struggles with women who have treated me like they would a guy: They're passive, they'll play mind games, they'll not make any real moves, they'll try to shroud themselves in mystery and confusion, then I'll lose interest and they come running back. We end up going round in circles, it's nothing but frustrating, and I wind up feeling like an idiot.

So if you're treating a lesbian like you would some player straight man, drop the act, be yourself, show a woman you like her. Yes you may face rejection. You'll get over it. I'd take an honest-to-god rejection over game-playing any day.

Recommended ways of showing a lesbian you're into her:

1: Tell her she's cute/hot/sexy, you like her shirt, her ear rings, her tattoos, her whatever —*the more personal the better.
2: Ask her out. Show interest in spending time with her. If at a club, offer her a drink and invite her onto a dance floor. Or both. Dancing gets hot if you're into each other, so it's all good. Stuff takes care of itself from then on.
3: At some point, kiss her.

1 and 2 are recommended ingredients, but can also be skipped if you can work up the courage to just go ahead and fucking kiss her.

 

This is hugely relatable for me, this has always been my problem. I didn't even realize how unapproachable I was. I'm shy but I didn't think it made me come across as uninterested. I was on a date and I really wanted the girl to kiss me but she didn't, and afterwards she told me that she didn't get the impression that I wanted her to, based on my body language.

It taught me that although it's against my nature I have to put myself out there and make the first move, so I would really suggest doing the same. And you'll be surprised how many girls show interest in you when you do that.

 

damn honestly u sound hott haha i wanna see u:icon_bigg ..i agree tho i feel very similar, i had a dating profile too and only attracted women i didnt find attractive at all, and im very much into femmes but im not femme myself, well ive been told im a "stem" whatevrr the hell that means...i guess i dress more like a skater cuz i am a skater lol..but i wish more femme girls would approach me...thats another thing, im too shy to ask a girl out so i wait for the "forward" ones to claim me so to say haha. guess this is my problem..oh and i look like im 16 or sumthing...:eusa_doh:...ur not alone, being a lesbian is so damn hard!

i also wanna say that a rainbow bracelet might make things easier for us...atleast then if u see sumone cute and shes wearing a rainbow bracelet its an invitation to comment and at the same time it lets her kno ur into girls too, thats i guess from the other perspective like if shes wearing one...damnit we should all wear one!!!

 

from your description, you sound exactly like an ex of mine, appearance wise. She also often complains that when she tells people she isn't straight, they can't believe her... but she's bi, so there's def a difference in your situation. However, she's really vocal about her orientation and especially if it's attraction to a certain girl so it's... erm, pretty easy to believe after that aand it works,

so yeah, I would also recommend what other posters recommended - if you look straight at the first glance, try to make the first move and hopefully, some girl will realise that you're interested and awesome.