okay so me and my girlfriend have been dating for two months, not a long time i know, but so much has happened that makes it feel like it's been longer. sex, is the problem. yes we fight, but we don't fight about petty stuff, we kind of just discuss about how we need to communicate better, and try to talk things out instead of getting frustrated and yell at each other. i know, that a lot might say "honey moon phase" because its true, in a new relationship, you're all over each other. but that's what is not' happening. we don't get to see each other for about a week to two weeks, and since i dont have any money, it's becoming a little harder to see her often. we always have sex in my car, (she cant see me at my apartment because she has an old car, and we cant have sex in her aunts house) and even though, its uncomfortable..we manage and still love every bit of the sex that we have. i haven't had proper sex in a month, and by that..i mean, like being able to feel, and kiss every part of her body, and have a moment to ourselves. the last time, we tried to have sex, i felt bad...because she didn't seem like she wanted to completely. we made out, and she teased me so i thought she wanted to, but it kind got awkward because she seemed uncomfortable, eventually, someone pulled up next to us and she was naked, and she started freaking out, and screamed "i dont want to do this anymore" and put her clothes back on, and went back to her house. last time, i saw her, she was trying to tease me, but i got upset because i hate being teased like that if we aren't going to have sex. it's not funny to me, i've been sexually frustrated and emotionally frustrated for a month, and i've been masturbating to cope with it, but it's not the same. when we dont have sex after a few weeks, it puts a strain on our relationship, we get frustrated with each other, and i told her how i was feeling about her teasing me. and she was like "i promise next time we will have sex" and it's not the sex part that im most frustrated about, it's that she doesn't tell me how she is feeling about the sex. i want to ask her about why it's been this way lately, because it seems like she doesn't want to have sex anymore, and that makes me feel bad because i feel if i try talking to her about it, that she's going to think i'm pressuring her into sex.. and im not trying to. i want her to be comfortable, but at the same time...i'm not the type to go without long periods of sex. she hasn't had sex with anyone before except me,.. so where as i've had sex with multiple people so we come from two different backgrounds. how can i properly talk to her about the sex problem without coming off like i'm trying to force her into having sex with me? i love her so much, i do. and want her to feel comfortable, but not having sex once a while leads me to get frustrated with her and myself included
I have read your post and what shocked me is you saying this : After having said this : You are her first and so far all you have been able to offer her is some quick (apparently not entirely satisfying) sex in the back of your car and you get frustrated when she says she's had enough. Nobody wants to lose their virginity in the backseat of a car nor want to have every single sex session on the backseat of said car. It's uncomfortable, hardly discreet and loses its charm after a while. I am NOT surprised she's had enough and aspire to more than that. I understand that money is tight and that options are limited but imagination can do wonders sometimes and I am sure there are a LOT of places where sex is doable and would be a bit more comfortable and discreet than on a parking lot. She is new to sex and she has to deal with the fear of being walk on and her girlfriend getting mad if she doesn't have sex so I can understand she feels pressured and doesn't manage to really enjoy the moment. She's new to all of this and you should want to make it the best experience possible for her. She's shared with you that she is tired of doing it in your car so you'll have to either find another (better) place to have sex with her or you'll have to accept the fact that you may not be able to have sex with her until you find a better spot as doing it in your car currently makes her uncomfortable. Pressuring her into doing it, or showing her that you are upset if she doesn't feel like having sex because she is uncomfortable would be wrong. All in all there is nothing wrong with you wanting to have sex more often than she does but there is also nothing wrong with not wanting to have sex. I personally think that the lack of sex is mostly due to the condition in which you have sex and where. If you find something more discreet and maybe a bit more romantic, I am sure things would be much better for the both of you. If doing it somewhere else is impossible then you may have to consider having to go without for a little while. Sex should be an experience enjoyed by the both of you and not something uncomfortable for her. Good luck and I hope it gets better !
Woah woah woah. First off. It wasn't in a parking lot always, it was in multiple places and usually very open spaced near no one. It just happened to be one time someone pulled up next to us. second of all, it's more than money is tight. We can't get a hotel room since we are under 21 (we have checked) so don't go off on saying that Im making it uncomfortable for her when this is the only way that we can have sex. You think I want to go around fucking in a car? No. I really don't haha. I'm just as uncomfortable as she is with having sex in a car. To have sex in her aunts house is beyond disrespectful to me and I would never do such a thing. and her car is really old and can't drive to Raleigh. It did once but now her seat Belt is broken. Next thing is yeah, maybe this is her first time and she's new to it but I'm not trying to pressure her into having sex with me. In fact, this is more about having a night alone with her. I have yet to have a night alone with the girl I love, and besides sex, I think it's important we reconnect and talk to each other one on one. She didn't say she didn't want to have Sex anymore. When we were trying to have sex, she got scared and said she didn't want to continue having sex in that very moment. ---------- Post added 5th Jun 2016 at 07:02 PM ---------- And I'm not getting mad, she's not having sex with me. I'm frustrated because we haven't had any alone time or really any intimacy and that's a big part in relationships
I think it's perfectly understandable that she isn't interested in having sex. Even if she wasn't inexperienced, it's a valid concern that she doesn't want to have sex in a car anymore, especially in a place where just anyone could pull up and see you. If she can't drive to your place, could you pick her up and bring her over? Ask her how she feels. Ask her if there's anything she'd like to change. Ask her if she's happy with your sex life. Be prepared for the answer to be no. Be prepared for her not to be interested in having sex until you can work out a private place. If you're feeling frustrated going into the conversation, consider waiting until you're calmer and can approach it with an open mind. Edit: I agree that alone time is an important part of relationships. If it's not feasible for either of you to do so, then neither of you are at fault and there isn't really anything that can be done about it. If she can't go to your place and you can't go to hers and there isn't a neutral location for you to go to, it's something you have to decide if you can live with until circumstances change.
It's hard. And I know it's not comfortable having sex in a car, it's not for me either. That's what a lot of people forget. Her aunt won't let her come where I am because of the neighborhood I am in and is protective. I just , I've done so much driving to see her, and spend time with her and her family and I just wish we could have a night alone. Not even lncluding the sex. Just us. Talking and connecting with each other for old times sake. I try to talk to her and she just doesn't give me a straight answer. She just kind of pushes it off. And this isn't about the sex, this is just general about how we are feeling about our relationship or things we need to work on. I just feel like I'm losing her. She says she loves me but it's a I love you that doesn't feel sincere. It use to be "I love you, you know that?" And now she only says I love when we say goodnight more or less, and I just hate it... She struggles with depression so that could be a factor to the sudden changes. And I'm trying to adjust to it but I have depression too and it's colliding with each other and creating this confusion and it sucks because I don't want to lose her but I don't know what else to do. I give her space, and we talk again but it's not the same. I know his post comes off sleazy like I just want sex to help myself, but it's more than that and it's more or less about having a night alone with her so we can try to talk about things, and I have yet to do that. I've driven almost two hours every week or week and half to see her and have yet to have one night alone with her and it hurts a lot. Because the more time we don't get alone, the more we grow distant and frustrated with each other and forget the reaon why we started dating in the first place and while I haven't forgotten the reason or the whole purpose of a relationship. I feel she's just realizing the difficulties of it, and is starting to back out of it..
What about staying with her at her aunts house not for sex just to talk be together and figure things out, you said you wouldn't have sex at the aunts house because its disrespectful what about if the aunts out or away. Why don't you meet half way and pick her up take her back to your house what the aunt doesn't know and all that. Is she out to her aunt does her aunt know you're in a relationship maybe if she did she'd allow her to visit you more often, she need yo arrange to visit you for a few days so you can talk be together and yes have sex if you want the is your girlfriend the same age as you? She needs to speak to her aunt and tell her she's going to visit you if you're both 20 then it shouldn't really be a problem
She's almost 19, while I'm 20. And she's tried telling her aunt but the way my girlfriend said it was that they need more time and I'm handling that as best as I can and I'm staying so we can make this work but I let her know as hard as everything can be, it takes two people to make a relationship work and I'm gonna be here for her but if she wants to make this work, she has to let me there for her and communicate to me a little more. I can't just sit there and guess what she's thinking and I told I don't want to lose her. But it feels I already have. I'm trying and That's all I can do? I would never break up with her about the sex thing but I might break up with her if we can't work things out and open up to each other more and remember why we got into a relationship in the first place. I didn't come into her life with the intention of thinking this was going to be easy because if I did, I would've left. Ya know? ---------- Post added 6th Jun 2016 at 07:38 AM ---------- And her aunt is very supportive of her sexuality, she's knows we are together. It's just a matter of persuading her aunt that nothing is going to happen to her and she'll be safe with me. Because even though me and my girlfriend are in a relationship, so is her family with me and I have to respectful towards them. So we are trying to work things out as best as we possibly can
Maybe she needs to ask her aunt if she can stay over at yours for a day say you collect her at 8am and say drop her off at 6pm set a time where you can pick her up and a time where you drop her off and stick to the time the more she see's that her niece can be trusted to be back on time you could try for maybe an overnight stay later on and then maybe 2 nights as time goes on. You both need to arrange to meet up and talk it out otherwise it'll ruin the relationship this early on, she needs to speak to her aunt and explain that her being over protective is ruining the chance of her relationship with you.. She needs to explain that by not being allowed to visit you at home the relationship is strained as you don't really have any time alone. Sex is an important part of a relationship and you shouldn't have to do it in the back of your car possibly risking getting caught by the cops could cause more than an embarrassing situation, you both need to find out where the relationship is going to go because in a few more months you could loose your relationship by carrying on like that and sneaking round for sex isn't really a relationship there's no real closeness because you're constantly on edge in case you get caught. Plus you can't properly get in the mood cramped up in the back if a car it's more like a risky fumble (sorry if I've offended but it is)
Okay, I think you totally misunderstood what I said. Your first post focused solely on sex and on the fact that you were frustrated because you weren't getting enough sex so I answered your post pointing out to you why that may be and why your girlfriend may be distancing herself. I never said you personally made it uncomfortable for her by having sex in your car. I said that your girlfriend had showed sign that she was uncomfortable with the idea of having sex in the back of your car so knowing that, expecting her to keep having sex there would be a bit unfair. I understand that hotels are apparently not the solution but I stand by the fact that there are plenty of other places where it could be happening and be slightly more comfortable... I also second the idea of confused bubble of meeting halfway and going back to yours, even during the day if she can't sleep over. Maybe spending a day together without the pressure of having sex, just the two of you, talking about your relationship, the sex situation etc... openly, would help you go back to how close you were. Have you tried asking her how she feels, what she wants, what she is happy with and unhappy with in your relationship and see what you both can do to make it better ? Communication is important and none of us can tell you what she wants/needs better than her. Good luck again and sorry for having offended you in my first post ! (*hug*)
