I have this problem... I'm the kind of person, not by choice but just by seeming nature, who is extremely harsh on everyone, both myself and others. And sometimes that messes up my relationships (as in all relationships, not necessarily romantic ones (there aren't many of that category worth mentioning anyway #foreveralone)). I can easily get caught up on minor to medium flaws that people have, and not be able to look past them, even when I like someone very much. This has ended many friendships for me in the past. I have a bit of the same problem with my best friend at the moment. He's a really sweet guy, and very generous and stuff. I highly appreciate his company and friendship. But there is one thing that keeps bothering me about him. He embodies pessimism - he is negative about just about everything. Sometimes I'll have a good laugh and be having a good time, and he just has to say something utterly negative, which sometimes brings me down. An example of that was when I had this celebrity crush on a Japanese idol, and I thought that hey, I'm learning Japanese so that's perfect so that I can approach her more easily! (This was all crushy dreaming, of course.) But then he had to go on a rant about how bad people who learn a language because they want to get together with a native speaker of that language are (which totally isn't the reason I'm learning Japanese at all, by the way - I'm learning Japanese for the sake of learning Japanese, basically). I know that this was only half-way aimed at me and that he didn't mean any harm... I also know that he has depression and tunnel vision... But it's really hard to accept this part of him sometimes. That said, this isn't something that affects me so badly that our friendship is toxic or so. It's rather something that's just... irksome... and something I want to be able to deal with, not only with him, but with people in general. I have the same problem with for example my mother and my little sister. The main problem with my mother is that she just cannot accept that I'm introverted, but keeps expecting me to be the most social person in the world like she is 24/7. When I tell her I don't want to talk or I don't have the energy to talk - which even though she notices, she doesn't acknowledge - she puts on this victim show like I've dealt her an unforgivable wound. My sister can just be really mean sometimes, saying mean things and the like (she gets it from her mom (not the same as my mom), who used to abuse me when I was a child). Sigh... I'm a very sensitive person. And the social life of a highly sensitive, introverted, mentally ill person can be hard sometimes. But it shouldn't be impossible, should it? So does anyone have any tips? By the way, I've talked a bit about this stuff in therapy and so on, though this isn't my focus in therapy at the moment. Also, if you've read all of this, or even a bit, I thank you for your time.
Hi. You characterized yourself as "mentally ill." It also was confusing that you describe yourself basically as sensitive and judgmental at the same time. If you are describing things correctly, socially it is evident you may be having some problems. I think a therapist is a good choice to explore this with. I'm not a professional myself, so some of the things you wrote confused me a bit. However, one thing I do know is that putting excessive requirements on others is the same as kind of pushing them away. Also, it isn't that unusual for younger people to be fairly judgmental.
At least for myself, I find mental thoughts can become a habit and can snow ball. You said you've talked to your mom about it, but have you talked to your friend about it? Perhaps it would make him feel a little bit better if he quit focussing on the negatives so much? When he says something negative, maybe you throw a positive out there? Like sure wanting to meet your Japanese idol is dreaming, but it won't hurt anybody and learning a new language is good mental exercise. When I'm feeling particularly judgemental, I do a little "what if" exercise. It's silly, and probably isn't true, but it helps me. What if when your coworker screwed up that simple job, they had pressing on their mind, like a major exam or family issues?
Yes, I have a bipolar diagnosis. I also have trust and abandonment issues and stuff and have been evaluated inconclusively for Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). I've also been tested for autism and stuff, again inconclusively. So yeah, mentally I'm quite a mess. Yes, I'm having problems socially, I've had that for most of my life. ---------- Post added 9th Jun 2016 at 05:14 PM ---------- I haven't talked to my friend about it. And yes, I'm sure he would feel better if he could stop being negative so much of the time, but if it were the case that one could just quit having tunnel vision, the therapy industry would suffer a fatal blow... He has clinical depression and has had that for years. Unfortunately those kind of things usually take a long time to get over - sometimes people even don't get over it, but live with it for decades.. :/ I do try to counter his negative with some positive sometimes, but that can also be quite draining sometimes... Maybe talking to him about it is a good idea. I'll see if a good time to talk about it surfaces. Thanks for your inputs.
No problem. Sorry for the gross oversimplification, though. I hope I didn't make it sound like one could think oneself better. That wasn't my intent.
