I'm not sure where to post this but here it goes... Apparently dating isn't working out for me so I give up. I'm not sure if I am the nut bag or if she is. This is a long post... Please someone help me. I feel crazy. Like I misinteprated everything. I've never in my life had this happen. I met a woman on a dating site in November. We "dated" for about five weeks. Slept with her once and three days later she told me she wasn't over her ex and told me she didn't want trouble. Contacted me in January telling me how she made a huge mistake, that she was just scared bc we got along so well and that she wanted a second chance. Didn't hear from her again until late February. This time the text was pages long. Same thing asking me to give her a second chance and that we have a connection. Asked me out on a dinner date. I thought why not. I liked her in Nov and she keeps texting me so maybe she means everything she is saying. First week into our "friendship" she says we need to talk about these dating sites your on. So I removed myself from them per her request. (Wouldn't that mean we are dating?) While the entire time she says" let's take things slow, let's start out as friends bc I don't want to make the same mistakes I've made in other relationships. I'm scared, baby steps, no mind games, I know you could have a cute girlfriend but be patient" Would call me her future girlfriend and future fake. She really acted like she was scared of getting involved again and wanted to take things slow with me. We never slept together again. It's was a weird situation and I felt confused a lot about what her intentions were. The week before I had enough of her lies and blowing me off we kissed and held hands after spending the day together. Even made a comment about a friend of mine that liked me that she was uncomfortable with that. She freaked out two days later texting me that she wasn't ready for a girlfriend and wanted to talk about it bc she didn't want to run away. That she was just scared. Let's take baby steps. Blah blah... Her texts and calls got infrequent. I finally had enough after she blew me off for the 5th time. Six weeks in I asked why she asked me to take myself off of the dating sites. Her response "I didn't want u to like someone more than me when I'm ready and you want her instead of me." Then told me she felt like I was waiting on her. That I'd be waiting a very long time. I said then well maybe I should start dating. She says do t you know how to be alone and said well just tell me what's going. I was so mad after that conversation bc it just felt so wrong Aand unfair to do that for six weeks. So I stopped talking to her. This was early April. A few weeks ago I got a text from her saying "yes she shaved her head and sent me a selfie. Then asked how I was and told me about her dogs and a 5k.. Blah blah... I responded 24 hours later saying awesome. Good for you. Have fun running with your dogs in the 5k. No response from her. I noticed she has all these pics of us on Facebook that I was still tagged in. (Not Facebook friends.) I dislike this woman so much for the games she played, so I texted her asking her to remove them. She cussed me out and told me to go to therapy. Called me delusional and said she is going to be having "Lots of fun tonight if you know what I mean." Told me I'm just mad bc I can't have this. I then said some things that probably shouldn't have. The other night she told me I wasn't listening and wouldn't accept she didn't want to be with me when we first started talking again. I brought up the dating site thing and she says ok. Made me out to be crazy. She's back with her ex for the 3rd time but denied it 5 minutes after telling me her ex says hi and called me a douche. Then said she is sitting on her front porch drunk and can't talk bc he is here. (Whoever he is) I told her goodbye just remove the pics of me bc I don't want to be associated with you. Told her to have a nice life. I should never have contacted her. I feel crazy. I was there and I heard every word she said. Yes it was hot and cold but she made me believe if we went slow and took our time we'd have a great relationship. Why would this person do this two me twice. Yes I know I wen back after the first time. Ughh. I'm distraught and really hurt. I blocked the **** out of her. Seriously three times she goes back to this person while telling me I misinterpreted everything. Another thing is she acted like she said none of those things and called me delusional. I can't believe I allowed this person to do this to me twice. That's my fault. Oh and the lies. Now she has boyfriend (when I thought she was a lesbian bc that's what she told me) I feel nuts. Why she lead me on I dont know and if she wasn't interested she shouldve just said hey I only see you as a friend and nothing more instead of telling me to take myself off dating sites.
In my honest opinion, she sounds like the crazy one to me. She sounds to have a manipulative type personality. She would be nice to you just to get you to do the things that she wanted, i.e. leave dating sites, waiting for her, etc. She asked you to wait for her and take things slow, knowing that it would take her a long time if anything were going to come of it. To me, if you are waiting for someone, and leave dating sites, then you should both be able to expect that things are going the same direction for both. Tagging you in pictures, seems like she was trying to use you to make someone else jealous... maybe the ex. Overall, she may not be completely comfortable with herself and she's just seeking acceptance and companionship. Just trying to figure out how she would be perceived. Idk it's hard to say, not knowing her, or you, or the whole situation and conversation. But from what you've told here, I wouldn't sweat this. I would ignore her, don't start conversations with her, and don't respond if she reaches out to you. Kinda sounds like she runs to you when its convenient for her. Don't let this get in your head. Pick your chin up and find someone who deserves you!
TY for the response. I've never in my life met such a messed up person. I was nothing but nice to her. We talked for hours on the phone when I gave her a 2nd chance. We talked about everything that went on. I agreed to take things slow, start as friends and see where it goes. She asked me not to do what her ex girlfriend did to her and she wouldn't do to me what happened to her. While the entire time she was just blowing smoke up my rear. I definitely saw something wasnt right and I started to 2nd guess myself and would ask her if your not into me please just tell me. She would tell me that was not the case that she was and she was just scare. Why can't I take things slowly and why must I have this instant relationship. That was never the case. I was very patient and went with what she wanted. I can't help think what an incredibly horrible person she is. That last texting episode I had with her I told her how hurt & bitter I was over what had happened. I also asked to please not do to someone else what she did to me, that I didn't deserve that. Of course she told me everything that happened was in my head and I was just unwilling to listen. That none of it took place. That I'm a cool chick and she had hoped we could be friends. All this right before she cussed me out. Called me a c and b and some other things that I've never been called before. I will never respond to her messages ever again. That's for sure. I still can't believe i allowed this situation to go on for 7 months (on & off)
Don't blame yourself. When you're interested in someone and trying to see where it goes, you're expected to stick around through the hard stuff and the crazy stuff to figure out what happens on the other side. If you ran from everyone that you "thought" might be crazy, you would would never have any lasting friendships or relationships. When someone constantly tries to convince you that "all your problems are in your head" or "everything is your fault" that's the signs of them being emotionally abusive. And typically we don't realize it till we are out of the situation. I was in a similar relationship for 2 years and was engaged to guy who was very emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive (before I came out). Don't get mad at yourself, and don't let it get you down. If there's one thing I've learned, is don't regret things that you learn from. You've learned that you don't deserve to be treated like that and you're learning how to stand up for yourself in those types of situations. Learn from it, and come out a stronger person on the other side. Let it be one of those "crazy ex" stories that you tell your friends about, laugh about, and be like wow, I've come a long way since then.
Well not technically an ex-girlfriend, but an ex-interest We all have those crazy stories whether they were official exes or just past acquaintances
When someone sends mixed signals, it's because they don't know what they want. I'm guessing she had feelings for both you and her ex and was trying to keep both options open while she made up her mind. She's also gaslighting you - messing with your head and then acting like you're imagining it when you call her out on it. Basically, you've been unlucky enough to get involved with an emotionally abusive and mentally unstable person. It's not your fault and you're not imagining it. Block her everywhere and don't look back.
