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Boyfriends family isn't accepting

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tri137, Jun 8, 2016.

  1. tri137

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    New york
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    (sorry if this isn't written very well, just quick thinking)

    My boyfriends family isn't very accepting of him dating guys with both of his parents not liking it to some degree. His mother thinks that all gay people have HIV/AIDS or is gonna get it so that’s why she is against him dating a guy. His dad thinks that being gay isn't a real thing and that its just a fetish.

    I brought up the idea of him telling his parents and talking about how happy we make each other and then maybe they will understand. After talking about this, my boyfriend decided to test the waters with his dad and started talking about his sexuality a little. His dad said that he didn't want to hear about his fetishes and that he would never be happy with a man and that he will be lonely with one(both of those are false because my boyfriend is the happiest he's been in awhile with me and he sure as hell ain't lonely). This effectively put that plan out of commission. His mom is the one who is most accepting of it because she is only against it because she thinks that my boyfriend will get AIDS, so i'm sure if she was shown proof that I don't have it then she might be ok with it.

    We currently need to have our relationship in secret. I can't pick him up by myself for risk of his parents seeing me(his dad caught us the first time trying to go out so he knows my face). I can only get him when I have a girl in the car and I need to pull up to his house with the passenger side facing his house so his parents done see a clear view of me in the drivers seat. His parents don't get suspicious of him when he says he's going to hang out with a girl. I am always afraid of his parents catching us, so I wish we were able to date with their approval so that way we don't always have to be scared of his parents finding out and never letting him out of the house ever.

    I was really hoping you guys could help me get some advice about what we can do about his parents and also maybe give some advice on how to make sure his parents don't find out about us.
     
  2. Gravity

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A few thoughts.

    Providing proof that you are HIV- to his mother may or may not help. Depending on how exactly she views this, she may be relieved, or she may just worry about you becoming HIV+ in the future, or her son dating someone else, etc. etc. etc. Plus, there's really no reason why you should have to disclose medical information to the family in order to date someone, and doing so might set a bad precedent.

    Ultimately, the decision on whether or not to discuss this further with his parents rests with your boyfriend - that may just be part of the package of dating him for now. He'll also know best how to approach them - together or separate, with you or alone, now or later, and so forth.

    It may actually help to get your boyfriend connected to some sort of third-party help - a counselor, school counselor, local resource, a friend, or something like that for him to talk to. As counter-intuitive as it may feel to "pass the buck" on it, ultimately this is a very personal decision for him in the course of his life, and you may not be able to provide ultimate/comprehensive support to him (and it may strain the relationship if you try to solve it "for" him - not that I'm saying you would do this, just pointing it out for general reference).

    In the meantime, treat it like anything else - assuming he's also a legal adult, if there are pressures you two are facing at home, then maybe get out of town for a weekend, or even just a day.

    Basically, spend as much time as you can away from the stressor, and provide yourselves - and him - with as much support as you can to deal with the stressor. :slight_smile: