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How to cope with jealousy and having low self-esteem?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Vasily, Jun 10, 2016.

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  1. Vasily

    Vasily
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    So, I am in a relationship with a guy, and I love him a lot. I wish we can be together always. But the thing is, sometimes I feel jealous when he gives compliment to other guy or girl, and sometimes explicitly writes comments under their picture, cute emoticons and other such things in social media. When I send him message sometimes he doesn't answer for long time, which makes me thinking if he doesn't like me no more. Usually I just swallow this feeling and let it go. I realize that I just draw bad scenarios out of the air, so then I calm down. I never told him about it and never acted out of this feeling. However, I want to somehow be closer to him, even though he has a lot of work and almost no free time. As a result we rarely get together. Sometimes I feel like he would rather spend time with someone else rather than with me. Given that I'm not particularly successful in life and have some medical problems, I have low self-esteem, which I believe to be a cause of jealousy. What should I do? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
    #1 Vasily, Jun 10, 2016
  2. geoseason

    geoseason
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    Confront him. It's not good to keep things bottled up
     
    #2 geoseason, Jun 11, 2016
  3. FierceQueerdo

    FierceQueerdo
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    I think so too. If you're serious about being with him Vasily, it's probably best to calmly share your concerns about jealousy and his work commitments. Best to get it out in the air sooner than later—it will help you build a stronger relationship in the long run.

    I agree with you that jealousy is related to low self-esteem. In my experience with these feelings over the years, my capacity for jealousy diminished as I learned to feel better about myself and to be the person I felt most natural being. This made me into a better lover too.

    Focus on the parts of yourself that demand respect! (!) If your partner respects you too, he should care that it makes you feel bad to see him flirting with other people, especially if you show him you're working to get to the root of your jealousy, which is a very mature thing to attempt. You can work on this together!

    Learning healthy ways to deal with jealousy is great for yourself, but nobody can overcome it entirely, so don't feel like it's all on you to fix the situation if you're partner is getting out of hand or is too busy. Even if things don't work out, you've become stronger and more experienced through it. Win-win!

    EDIT: I recently read this book called The Ethical Slut that had some really good ideas on dealing with jealousy and talking to partners about related boundaries. Might be worth checking out.
     
    #3 FierceQueerdo, Jun 11, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 11, 2016
  4. Vasily

    Vasily
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    Thanks a lot. I think you're right I shouldn't keep things bottled up. That's my overall problem is that I tend to hide my true feelings from people, especially if they're hurtful or pose some sort of risk.
     
    #4 Vasily, Jun 18, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 18, 2016
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