I am a young girl who's had a lot of trouble finding this website, but at last I'm here. Finally, a place for people like me. Anyways, back to the topic. I'm a Christian, and I've always been one. I'm very set in my faith and I believe everything my religion tells me; even that being gay is wrong. I'm so scared to come out and call myself a lesbian, even worried to enter into a same-sex relationship, simply for the fact that I don't know what would happen if I did. I'm so scared what will happen to me, that I'll be sent to hell for liking girls or I'll be thrown out of the house and onto the streets by my mother. (Before you ask, my entire family is homophobic. My father died when I was very young, and if he were here, he would be very accepting of me.) I think his death really hardened my mother's heart. I'm so scared of myself, and I'm scared of what I'm becoming. The media is telling me that God doesn't create homosexuals, but I can't help who I like. I've tried to suppress this for as long as I could, but it's coming through the cracks. I'm so scared that God will strike me down for being gay. Please tell me if my fear is valid. I have to get off my computer, now, before my mother finds this site in the history. Thank you so much, to whomever replies to this thread. Just by reacting, you're helping more than you know. Cheers <3 UPDATE: With the influx of information about the Orlando shooting (Rest In Piece, my friends) my mother knows I'm FOR homosexuality (as opposed to against it). She's showing me videos of newscastings of people saying "they deserved it" or "homosexuals should die". She is taking everything I've worked towards and is shoving it back in my face as if it's nothing. I'd just like to show you how my mother reacts to these sort of things
I'm so sorry your mother reacted that way to the news, that's absolutely awful. I hate to say this, but if you're still dependent on your mother then you need to stay safe until you're old enough to support yourself. Unless you have someone else you can stay with, that will likely mean staying in the closet for a while longer. As for the religious stuff, well, it sounds like you've been raised with it and are starting to question it. That's very normal and healthy. The world is full of different beliefs, there is no reason on earth to think that the ones you were raised with are right and everyone else (who believes just as strongly as you do) is wrong. I'm not saying you have to abandon your faith, but it's healthy to question things. You can be a Christian without being homophobic and hateful (in fact, I think that's what Jesus would have wanted). I hope you'll continue to question and explore until you figure out what beliefs make sense for you. Are there any safe people in your life who you can talk to about this? A good friend or trusted adult?
My sisters both know, but my brother-in-law does not yet know. I'm sorry to say, but my eldest sister is pregnant with her second child and does not have the room nor resources for me to live with her. My second sister is 18. but she still lives with my mother and I. She doesn't have a job to support herself, even. But still, my entire family is homophobic and will not support me either way. Thank you for worrying, dear <3
