Reaching out to an old (gay?) friend from grammar school

Hey guys,
Okay this is going to be long, just finished writing it. Thanks for reading in advance.

So an hour or two ago, i had just finished a good cup of tea, I brushed my teeth and was ready for bed. I was in the yard all day today working on my garden so I was a bit worn out and figured I would be able to pass out relatively eary...and i was en route. Then my mind started thinking. Oh what a joy, what random rabbit hole and I going to find myself in?:dry: I tend to have racing thoughts that can get out of control fast, especially when im trying to fall asleep. As im laying there, one thing leads to another and i find myself thinking about a guy from grammar school.

Ill try and keep this guys back story brief... after all, our friendship was pretty brief itself.
His name is Matt. We were un the same grade. From what i remember, i think he transferred to my school in 5th grade...maybe 6th the latest. He was kind of eccentric and didnt have too many friends. Our last names both start with the same letter so we tended to be paired up or would sit by each other in class alot of the time. (Good ol grammar school, alphabetical order seating lol). So we would have just small talk conversations and eventually became friends. At this point in my academic career, i was in the "cool kids" group. All the guys that played sports and talked to girls had me in thier group. (Mostly because my brother was a sports guy so i hung out with his friends younger brothers by default... didnt fit in... i was the nerd that was allowed in the group). Because Matt was pretty eccentric, he got picked on quite a bit, so being the spineless child follower, i never really stood up for him but he knew i wanted to be his friend, or at least i felt thats what he expressed to me with his actions and loyalty.

I went to his house to hang out one or two times but that was about it...aside from seeing him at school dances and other functions.
So fast forward to a couple months into 7th grade. My family isnt doing too hott financially, and the school i was going to was getting worse and worse and more and more expensive. (catholic grammar school). My mom and I talk it over and we decide that i will transfer to the local public grammar school where my best friend transferred to start 7th grade. I also knew a few other people who had transfered there as well due to the lowered standards and higher tuition costs at the catholic school.

Its my last day at the catholic school, my mom came to pick me up and help me unload my locker at the end of the day when the school was pretty much empty aside from a few people stayin late to get help and what have you.
My mom grabbed a few things and headed to the car, i was still packing my bag. Matt came up to me and asked what was going on, i told him that i was going to be leaving the school and going to the nearby public school. He told me that he went there when he was younger. (I think he went to the public school were i was going, then transferred out to a different school, stayed there for a few years then transferred to the catholic school where i was at). He said that there were alot of mean people there and he was bullied and made fun of when he was there. He then went on to say how hes really going to miss me. I was kind of shocked because he was clearly upset that i was leaving, i didnt know that he liked me as much as he did. He then went in his locker came back and gave me this cute little pig that was carved out of marble that he got from Puerto Rico. I couldn't believe how nice he was being, i thought it was one of ther nicest gestures ever. That was the last i had ever talked to him. I saw him a few times after but my friend was trying to beat him up for whatever reason, so when i saw him we said nothing and it was more him just yelling at my other friend and then running as my asshole friend chased matt away.

When i was at the new school, it was like i just walked into a whole new world. I was in a bubble of Christian middle and upper middle class people. Now i found myself in a multi cultural school full of all forms of diversity. It was probably the best thing that ever happened to me. It helped shape me into who I am today. I really believe it allowed me to see that theres so much more out there. It wasnt all great though, because with the diversity comes bullies. I definitely had my days and weeks of dealing with bullies but i managed, once they realized they couldnt beat me up, they just stuck with verbal abuse which i laughed off. Now, i bring up the bullies because when i asked around about Matt i guess he was bullied pretty bad. Apparently one time someone stole his shorts when he was changing in gym or something and they teased him for having a small penis (he had to be in like 1st grade when this happened for christs sake). Then there was another time when he got bullied and all i remeber is the end result was him running away crying and yelling "yea im gay" or something along those lines. Or thats the story i was told by two or three people.

Ok, were almost back full circle, i promise!
When I think back on him, I remember thinking that he was really cute and i had a crush on him for sure. I even danced with his older sister at a dance and said i had a big crush on her. (They looked alot alike lol). Makes sense why i would go for her, probably subconsciously thought she looked like Matt so i could probably pull off dating this girl....never did.

Now im laying in bed as I write this. I looked him up in the white pages online cause i couldnt find him or his sister on facebook. Wouldnt you know, i find a guy who has his name, and listed as relatives is a girl and her name is what i remember it to be. Its got to be him. According to the white pages, he now lives 35 min away from me in the north, into the suburbs. (According to traffic at 11pm lol)

Finally leads me to my question. Do I seek out Matt? Would it be really creepy if I sent a letter to the address that i found in the white pages and try to reconnect? I feel border line stalkerish, looking him up and hunting him down the way I did. I thought I would send him a letter saying i found the gift he gave me back in 7th grade and was thinking about him. Im just really unsure. What if hes actually gay? That would be so great to have a gay friend, even if its completely platonic.
What do you guys think? Sorry for making this so long. Didnt think id tell my life story to start lol.
Much love,
Colin

 

Thanks killswitch, i just finished writing out a rough draft of the letter im going to send him. Ill copy it on here.

If any one, including you killswitch lol, wants to give me advice or comments on the letter, id appreciate any commentary on it.

---------- Post added 14th Jun 2016 at 09:47 AM ----------

Hey Matt,
I hope this letter finds you and I hope I sent this letter to the correct Matt ******** lol. I bet you're really curious as to why you're getting this letter. Honestly, im kind of suprised I a writing it myself but i feel like its completely necessary. I tried to look you up on facebook but I had no luck and to be honest, i dont even have a facebook anymore but I thought I'd take a stab at trying to find you on there.

I probably should have opened with who's even sending you this letter, so I will right now. Its Colin *****. A name from your grammar school days. I know we didnt hang out all the time or anything but I'd like to think we were friends. You were always so nice to me and just a good person. Unfortunately, there were a bunch of times where people who I considered my friends would pick on you and I did nothing to very little to help you out and stick up for you when you needed a friend. I'm deepyl sorry for not having the courage to stand up for you and do the right thing. I know we were young but I like to think of myself as someone with integrity. Sadly, I didnt find that side of me until later in high school.

Now let me get to why I'm sending this letter before I start to ramble and the letter gets too long. I moved away from my old house about two years ago. We had to move somewhat quickly so when I packed up the things from my room, I basically just threw random stuff in random boxes. The other night I found the gift you gave me when I left St. ****. I can still vividly remember talking to you in the hallway outside my locker and you giving me the gift and expressing how you would miss me. It has to be one of the nicest things that anyone has ever done for me. You didnt need to do that for me. I wasnt even that good of a person to you and you still showed me how big your heart was and hopefully still is. I dont know if you still even remember what the gift was that you gave me. It was this little pig that was carved out of marble or some other kind of stone. I believe you said that you got it from Puerto Rico. Maybe? My memory isnt always completely on point lol.

Ill try and wrap this up now. I just wanted to see how you were doing and thank you, from the bottom of my heart for being such a good person and loving friend when I didnt show you much reciprocation. Hopefully i hear back from you. I definitely would not be opposed to meeting up some time soon and catching up. I hope all is well by you and thanks again for being such a good friend.
Hope to hear from you soon,
Colin
Ps.....(contact info)

 

Yeah, thats the one thing that is kind of holding me back. He couldve went from the skinny lengthy guy to a weight lifting, jersey shore bro...who knows.
Definitely going to send it though.

 

Thanks, I just went on a walk with my dog and dropped off the letter in the mail box.... I really hope i didnt just send that letter to a different Matt lol. If it does get to him, and he responds, ill let you guys know what happens.