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Thought I wanted a relationship, turns out I don't...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Meatballs, Jun 15, 2016.

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  1. Meatballs

    Meatballs
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    [sorry to double post, I just had 2 separate topics and didn't want to write one long thing]

    Okay. So we've been dating for 4 months, friends beforehand for 4 years. Both 17 now. I thought I wanted a relationship, so when she asked me out, I thought 'oh awesome, we're already friends, she's attractive, funny, kind, etc, this'll be great!' But now she's going on about how she's sooo in love with me and how I mean everything to her, etc, etc, as well as talking about 'getting physical.'

    I feel really guilty because yes, I am attracted to her, yes, she is the most wonderful human being on the planet, but I realised that I don't want to be in a relationship with anybody right now. I don't like this horrible feeling of being 'trapped in.' Whenever she compliments me (which is a lot), I feel even worse, because I compliment her much less. Since we know we each other so well and see each other for so many hours a day at school, we often have these moments of awkward silences where I just want to scream 'nope! i'm done with this!' and get out.

    It probably doesn't help that we're in the same friendship circle, so if I want to break up, I'd have to loose all my other friends, too, and see each other everyday for 2 more years of high school.

    Is this the standard thing that comes along with dating friends? Or the standard thing in new relationships? How do I make myself feel better about this?
     
    #1 Meatballs, Jun 15, 2016
  2. confusedbubble

    confusedbubble
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    Yes it seems common with dating friends you do everything together especially if you work or school at the sane place you never have a break away from each other even for a few hours.
    I fell for a friend lucky we didn't work together otherwise it would of been hell... She didn't want to know she was struggling with her sexuality so rejecting me and not speaking to me again. I lost a whole bunch of friends when that happened and still can't stand being in the sane place as her.
    Maybe you could sit down and discuss what you both want from the relationship it's nasty to string her along if you don't want a relationship and only see her as a friend, If that's what you feel tell her because it will only hurt her more the more she falls for you or if you end up having sex she'll feel used which could kill any chance of a future friendship
     
    #2 confusedbubble, Jun 15, 2016
  3. A Mindful Wolf

    A Mindful Wolf Guest

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    I think it's extremely brave and noble to admit this. I know a guy in the exact same situation as you, but is happy to just string his boyfriend along and straddle the line between casual and committed relationships.
    Admitting it is one thing however, if you really feel this way you need to let her know ASAP. She shouldn't have her life on hold for you.
     
    #3 A Mindful Wolf, Jun 15, 2016
  4. Gravity

    Gravity
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    It sounds like you're putting a lot of weight on the conversation, or on telling her how you feel, breaking up, losing friends, etc.

    One way to think of this is to separate all the different parts. You can talk with her without setting up a plan to break up - "this is moving too fast for me" is a totally valid thing to say, especially at the start of a relationship, whether you were friends or not (and not being ready for sex, for example, is one thing you have every right to say). Or, if you're sure that you don't want this to continue, you can break up without having to throw all your friends out at the same time (maybe you could hang out in smaller groups for a while, maybe some/many/all of them will want to maintain friendships with you, etc.).

    But my biggest suggestion would be just to talk with her first about all of this. You're in a relationship at the moment, and the best thing, as a couple and for each of you on your own in the future, might be to approach it together for the moment, regardless of what the outcome turns out to be.
     
    #4 Gravity, Jun 16, 2016
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