New, Confusing Relationship and Struggling for Self Acceptance

Hello, I'm relatively new here and I've only posted twice. In my first post a few weeks ago I described my general struggle and confusion regarding my sexual orientation...something I am still struggling to work through.

One of the big things that has brought a lot of confusing feelings to the surface is that I've had a huge crush on this guy I know from school since January. I've had crushes on girls before when I was young...just "puppy dog crushes" though and nothing serious. Three years ago I had a huge crush on a girl in my class. Nothing amounted from it, and when I think about it now I could never think of her in a sexual manner. Only holding hands and all that romantic stuff from the movies. Since then I've felt nothing for no one, until I started having really strong feelings for this guy. The feelings were really sudden and it was hard to accept having them, it still kind of is. The thing that is different about the crush I had on that girl three years ago and with this guy is that I can think of him in a sexual manner.

A few months later we ended up talking at a school event and walking home together after it ended. I found out we had an immense amount in common and tons of similar interests. I started to fall for him even more. I always suspected that he was gay but I didn't know for certain, and I wouldn't ask because I don't think it's my business to ask things like that and it should be up to the individual to share stuff like that with whom they choose.

Flash forward almost two months: we end us messaging on Facebook about something school related and we get off topic. He gives me his number so we can text, and we texted daily for a few weeks. As we messaged my feelings for him intensified. It made me very confused and I struggled with my sexual orientation even more. He ended up asking me out on a date, I agreed, and we had a really nice time. We talked for three hours at a bar, then went back to his place and listened to the best music and talked even more. Nothing physical happened at all, we just sat or laid on his bed and talked. It felt different from anything I had ever felt before...it felt normal.

We went on a second date again about a week later (with this date being last night). We ended up in his room again watching a film we both really enjoy, then we listened to more really awesome music. He knows what my out status is and that things are still really new to me and I'm still trying to figure things out. He said this doesn't have to be a public thing because he's only out to a few close friends. He said he doesn't want to pressure me into anything because he was once pressured into things by a guy and he doesn't want to do anything like that with me. For the record I've never dated anyone, held someone's hand or even kissed another person. So long story short after much sexual tension we end up kissing. We just kissed a bunch and I made it very clear that I was in no way ready to do anything more than that right now and he was really respectful of that. It was a mix of lust and subtle terror...because I had never kissed someone before and I had NO IDEA what I was doing!

So anyway, that's the story. I really like him, I like being around him, I like talking to him, and sometimes when I'm not around him I think "wow, he's the only person I want to be talking to right now"...and I really liked kissing him. This is now the morning after all this happened and I'm having a lot of confusing feelings surface again. It was easier to deal with them when we were just texting back and fourth...but last night things got more real and it's freaking me out a little bit. It's freaking me out because I've never been in a relationship before. I'm used to only having myself and no one else and I've never known anything other than that. The thought of being too dependent on someone else other than myself is new and terrifying for me. What adds to the confusion is the fact that the other individual is a guy, which really only adds to the confusion and difficulty with working through and accepting my sexual identity...something that is still very much new to me and very much a work in progress.

What I'm worried and unsure about about now is what I should do next. I feel very pulled in two directions. Should I see him more and endure more of what's already happening? (Lust and potentially more confusion.) Or should I stop seeing him until I can better process what I'm feeling, and work towards being more accepting of myself and my sexual orientation.

I was feeling really upset this morning and was very overwhelmed with what to do and what I was feeling. Just typing tho message out and getting my thoughts out of my head and somewhere for someone to see has helped, but any words of advice would be wonderful. Thank you.