Hi all, so basically, a while back one of my friends posted in an online group saying there was a friend she had known for years that she was starting to develop feelings for. Prior to posting the message, she sent me a direct message saying ' about to post in the group, sorry for not discussing with you first.' I think she meant me. (Please correct me if I'm being completely stupid and misreading), At the time of posting, she was still in a relationship with her boyfriend of 3 years, so even if I did have any feelings then I knew I couldn't act on them. It's been 8 months and she has since split with her boyfriend. (around 5 months ago) I am now rather confused because I now feel like I might want to be in a relationship with her. (I'm biromantic demi/asexual by the way), but I don't know what to do. 1. Was the post even about me in the first place? 2. She knows I'm on the asexual spectrum but I'm worried that might put her off even having a relationship. 3. I've never been in a proper relationship before, I don't even know if the things I'm feeling mean I do want to date her, of whether I just want to spend time with her as a friend. 4. She has complex mental health issues, which I would do my best to support her with, but I'm worried that she may not feel comfortable sharing important things and that it would drive a wall between us. Basically I'm just very confused. Thanks for reading my ramble if you got this far, any thoughts/opinions would be greatly appreciated.
Hmm. Can't say I'm any more experienced than you when it comes to being in a relationship, but I can try to maybe give an opinion. 1. That really isn't something anyone could tell. Has she maybe brought it up with you other than that? Does it seem like she wants to talk to you about it more maybe? Is there anyway you could talk to her about it? 2. I understand this concern a LOT. If she knows that, and likes you I'm sure she understands, but it will probably need to be addressed if you're in a relationship with her specially if she isn't somewhere on the ace spectrum herself. At least, that's what I'd do. 3. If she gives you butterflies + a fast heart beat that's a good sign. But maybe it's just me, but I really struggle with telling platonic feelings and romantic feelings apart. I feel like some of that struggle spawns slightly from the fact I don't feel sexual attraction to someone. How I tell when I like someone I just have the want to hold them, hug, kiss, and just be around them as often as I possibly can. How does she make you feel when you're with her? Think about it, and imagine yourself in a relationship with her. Do you like that thought? Or would you rather just view yourselves as close friends? 4. That is something that would be hard for anyone in a relationship to talk about. It'd need to be addressed for sure, but that'd be something she'd need to bring up to you. I'd say if in a relationship you'd just need to be there for her if she needs to talk about it or anything of that sort. Those are just some of my two cents, so take it as you will since it might not be the best information you could find. I hope you can figure everything out in the end though and that it turns out how you wanted ^^
Thank you so much for replying! It wa so helpful to read your views on the situation. I almost sent her a message today being like 'this is upset awkward but was that message about me?' Because then at least I would have an answer on where we stand. I'm the same as you when it comes to distinguishing platonic/romantic feeling and I think you're right when you say it's because of the lack of sexual feelings. I don't know what it feels like to move from the friendship to relationship stage. Some people do say it's great to have a relationship with someone who is also your best friend. I can imagine walking down the street holding hands with her. She's also moving 2 hours away in September for a new job so I don't know whether that spoils be an influencing factor too.
