1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Starting to forget...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by musiclife, Jun 19, 2016.

  1. musiclife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I had a realization today while reading a story. In the story a character was thinking about how much they love this girls laugh and how they could listen to it all day.

    I realized I can't really remember how her laugh sounded...

    Or her voice...

    I realized that when she shows up in my dreams, when i wake up i have no recollection of her voice. I don't want her to start fading from my memory, but what if she already is?

    How do you deal with forgetting someone you loved who is now gone forever? How do you remember their voice and their laugh? I don't want to forget it because hearing her laugh made my day. It made me laugh. It's been almost 5 months and the thought of forgetting anything else about her terrifies me.

    I can't forget her...

    It'll kill me.
     
  2. idsm

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2014
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    171
    Location:
    .
    Some things just fade away. And sometimes that´s for a good reason.

    What happened?
    (*hug*)
     
  3. musiclife

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2016
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    NC
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    She committed suicide. She had dealt with depression for years and had a few suicide attempts, but its weird because something in me never expected her to actually succeed in committing.
     
  4. TheAnon32

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 27, 2015
    Messages:
    131
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Montreal
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If you have a video of her talking or something of her talking it can help.
     
  5. yuanzi

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2015
    Messages:
    251
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    I kind of agree with the quote that you may forget what they said/did but you will never forget how they made you feel. It applies in my case anyway...

    Also I have never lost anyone close to me in any manner and I truly don't think I can yet comprehend that level of pain. I am very sorry.
     
  6. jmkfour

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 18, 2016
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Sacramento
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    my condolences to you. and it is indeed scary the idea you will forget aspects of a loved one or someone important to you. forgetting someones particular voice can be upsetting or seeing something that reminds you of them can set you off. i agree with idsm that things fade, but sometimes that can be a good thing . It may sound cold on some level, but it helps you cope with the death of someone close and allow some ability to heal from it.

    i've been in a similar situation with losing a close one. My father had cancer and several tumors when i was 12, i witnessed my father bounce back and forth between getting better and relapsing for 6 years. when he finally passed away, one of the worst things i remembered was seeing him slowly degrade for a week before he passed on, also the fact i wasn't present for his passing because i wanted a "break" from seeing him like that ( that one still messes with me). That was some time ago. for a while i was in your place, starting to forget what they sounded like, how they talked, their laughter, all sorts of things about my dad i started to forget and to this day i can't get it back and i thought it was terrible i forgot those parts of him. that being said though, i remember key things about him that while aren't too specific, remind me that he did make a strong effort to love me and be a good father. i may not remember literal aspects of him, but i recall events like him holding me when i was a sick child and he would just cradle me until i calmed down or how he always gave me a hug when i came home from school as a kid. i recall good and bad things about my father, it helps me cope with the sorrow of his passing knowing he was a source of more than just sadness.

    In your case the laughter of your loved one made you feel better.while the specifics may diminish, hopefully you are able to sit well with the reminder that they made you happy. it might be scary at first to idea of losing the specifics, but remember the feelings and emotions they brought out. It will make it easier given time. It's still very soon for you and i imagine you want to hold onto everything about them for fear of losing them and that's ok. You have time to grieve at your own pace, i only hope you don't the sadness consume you, because your brain will remember the important stuff at. I'm sorry for your loss. i wish good things for you and good luck with everything
     
  7. idsm

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2014
    Messages:
    382
    Likes Received:
    171
    Location:
    .
    (*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*)

    for the both of you