How do you tackle intrusive parents (and other people)?

I paid a lot of thought into where this thread should go - it's about coming out and gender expression as well as relationships with family (and other people), but I don't know. Maybe it's not that important.

So. I've always been sort of a so called tomboy, but my mum didn't really approve of that, and being a quiet and generally indifferent person, I just went with most of what she wanted me to do. However, pretty much exactly a year ago I decided it was enough, and I started doing what I had always wanted to (like having short hair and wearing not-skinny jeans and buttoned shirts and stuff). The last few months she's been all over about it, really trying to get me to tell her what's up, and today she came home and into my room and blurted out "who are you, and who do you want to be?", but since I barely know that myself, I just said I didn't know, that it didn't matter. Because to me it doesn't. I am who I am, and that's it for me. And if someone wants to label me something, sure, but I don't care.

Later she came back and had been crying, repeating "I just think you're making it difficult for yourself", and sure, maybe I do, but what the heck, she's the one making it difficult.

I'm 17, I know what I'm doing. I mean, sure, I do bad decisions together with the good ones, but it's my life, and I while I appreciate her concern, I don't give a damn about her opinion in this.

I'm starting to realize how little sense I'm making right now, but I really just wanted to get it out. I guess:

TLDR; Mum is starting to hate me for not coming out to her, and while she isn't lbtq-phobic, I'm not feeling confident enough to do it for now. Feel free to post any advice or personal story or whatever comment you might have on this. I appreciate it.

 

That is a good idea. I hate talking, and would rather just leave it and for her to just know it and find it out herself, no questions asked. But I know that'd make her really upset, and so by writing a letter it'll still be me telling her. When I feel like telling her, that is.