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My confusion will never end as it seems

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by gdefino, Jun 24, 2016.

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  1. gdefino

    gdefino
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Des Moines
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is my first post ever on this website. I hope I put it in the right category, you see, my whole story is kind of hard to classify.
    Here's my story.
    My life started as a regular little girl, had a crush on at least one boy from kindergarten, all the way up to 8th grade. For that whole time, I can only ever remember having feelings for boys, and having a general interest in them.
    When I look back, I can remember when my first "girl crush" started, and it was 8th grade, and I liked this girl in high school, who was on my school's basketball team. I also played basketball, but not on her team, because I was in middle school. I just all together thought she was pretty, and I didn't really feel any sexual feelings, but I never really had sexual feelings at that age. I just thought I really wanted to be her friend, but now looking back, I can tell there was something there.
    So now, fast forward to high school. Freshman year I switched schools and found a guy two years older who I feel like I just got into a relationship just to be cool. I went to a really small high school (graduating class of 20), and although I didn't get butterflies when he held my hand, or when he hugged me, I never really thought much of it. I kind of knew in my head that the relationship wouldn't last too long, so I wasn't worried. We broke up after a year or so, but it wasn't a very touchy relationship, it was pretty awkward ( We are both pretty awkward people), and us mixed together just didn't go. We broke up agreeing with each other that we just weren't really meant to be.
    So throughout high school, since I went to a very small school, I never really got into any more relationships, because all the boys in my class were considered my friend. I did have a crush on a senior (While I was a junior), and he asked me to a dance. We had fun together, but it never went outside the dance.
    So fast forwarding again to junior summer. I play basketball year around, and during the summer's I play tournaments (AAU). I thought it was going to be a normal summer until I met one of the girls on the team. I knew she was different than anyone I had ever met before. I thought she was perfect in every way, and saw absolutely no flaws in her. This I realized was a crush. The first real crush I had ever felt on a girl. Nothing ever came out of the crush, but I knew something was different. To this day, If I saw her again, I know the feelings would come immediately back.
    That being said, I kept all of that to myself.
    I have a twin sister that came out to my family as lesbian, and although my parents say they support it, they seem a little iffy about the whole thing. It's just a really odd situation, because they don't want it to be true, but they know they have to accept it.
    After all that being said, I now feel like I can never come out to them because I don't want to cause any more trouble than they already have to deal with, even though it shouldn't be a problem.
    I have a tumblr, and this girl messaged me, and she immediately reminded me of the girl from my previous basketball team. She looked like her, and just gave me butterflies like her.
    She flirted with me a lot at first, and I kind of flirted back, (I was very weary, because I still hadn't admitted to myself that I was bi), I knew I liked her, but I wouldn't admit it.
    My sister's girlfriend knows her, and she says she flirts with everyone and so my twin sister agrees.
    btw, I came out to my sister right after I realized I liked this girl.
    She thinks that I shouldn't like her, and my mind agrees, but my heart doesn't. She will text me non stop for two days, randomly stop, and then right when I get over her, she will text me again, and I have no self control to not answer her.
    Now, she doesn't really flirt, we just seem like friends, but I never text friend's all day.
    SO here's the question, what should I do about this whole situation. Should I keep talking to the girl? Should I go with my heart, or brain?
    Sorry for the long story, I felt like I had to fill you in from the beginning, so you would get the whole idea!
    Thanks in advance. Please add me, or message me <3
     
    #1 gdefino, Jun 24, 2016
  2. Secondrate

    Secondrate
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 25, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Ashland, Kentucky
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Don't be absurd, never, ever apologize for the length of a story. It is a story afterall, and it should told in the way best seen by its teller. It was a lovely story, and thank you for sharing it with myself and the other members of EC.

    I understand that your finishing question is the primary reason you made this post, but I must also inquire about the situation with your parents. I have read your story and intend to help with your worries in their entirety. And so, I offer you my support and hope that it soothes your troubles.

    It is understandable why you are afriad to come out to your parents, afterall, no one likes the feeling of being a burden. You don't want to cause them more trouble, but you fail to make note of one very important thing. You said your parents accept your sister, whether or not they agree completely is irrelevant, the point is that they accept her and love her all the same. You and your sister are their children. The reason they accept your sister no matter what is because they love and care for her, they don't not see her as a burden. No parent that can love and accept their child, even if they don't agree with them, could ever see their child as a burden. It is your choice whether or not you should like to come out to them, but in my opinion you should indeed come out to them. It's a scary thought admittably, but a necessary one at that. Talking to your parents and coming out to them will show them that you love and care for them, and you put your trust into them. It is a great feeling to know that your parents trust you, but so then must we trust our parents.

    The matter of your coming out aside, now to address your ending question. When you think about this girl, you must put others' opinions aside. It is imperative that you focus on what you think of her yourself. Do you like her in a romantic way? If so, then perhaps you should pursue that idea. Talk to her, tell her how you feel, ask her out for a date sometime, let her know that you are indeed interested in her on a romantic level. So then, I say that you should follow your heart, afterall, "Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." – Alfred Lord Tennyson

    Best of luck to you friend, and seeing as how I am also a new member to this site, I condone you for your bravery in posting this thread, and thank you for the story. :slight_smile:
     
    #2 Secondrate, Jun 25, 2016
    Last edited: Jun 25, 2016
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