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Came out to best friend. He doesn't accept it.

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by SneakyFennec, Jun 25, 2016.

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  1. SneakyFennec

    SneakyFennec
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    Hey.
    Barely a few days now after I first made another post on the coming out advice section,my best friend of five years now knows I'm not exactly what you'd call straight. Lots of pressure on us as it is illegal in this country. That,and not tolerated in any way.

    He says I'm 200% straight,and that the attractions,feelings,thoughts and arousal I've been having are an illusion,and that all of this is the result of my loneliness (I have a bunch of buddies during classes but he's my only remaining true friend ).

    He says this'll get "fixed" and that I should dismiss any and every thought about it.It wasn't reaction of compassion but pity,like I was ill and he now feels obligated to help.


    I don't even know what to think anymore
     
    #1 SneakyFennec, Jun 25, 2016
  2. Gravity

    Gravity
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    Well, if he's not accepting of you and views you as having some fault or illness, then I hate to say it, but it may be the case that he's not going to turn out to be as good of a friend as we might have hoped.

    You mention other buddies - maybe it's time to get to know some of them instead. Perhaps some will have better reactions - or perhaps you'll be able to meet other LGBT people in your area. You do mention that it's heavily looked down upon in your country - is there any way to meet others? Or is that difficult?
     
    #2 Gravity, Jun 25, 2016
  3. SneakyFennec

    SneakyFennec
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    I'm pretty sure the other "buddies" would attempt to beat me up if they knew.
    There's no real way to meet anyone LGBT as we're all basically hiding.
    We more or less consider each other family and this is why I'm okay with him knowing,and not currently fearing for my life. He's in total denial saying "Don't worry,you won't become gay" and outright refusing it,claiming again and again that the thoughts are results of my loneliness and nothing else.
    I know the first stage of grief is denial. But I don't see where the grief is.
     
    #3 SneakyFennec, Jun 26, 2016
  4. love23cali

    love23cali
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    Is there no possible way you can change locations? I feel like it would be worth a try...
     
    #4 love23cali, Jun 26, 2016
  5. SneakyFennec

    SneakyFennec
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    That is my main concern.
    I'm trying to get an education in France,Belgium or even New Zealand,but I still have many exams to pass here.
    But yes,exile is my only long term option.
    We're still best friends,but he terribly wants to fix me.
    "It's just yet another challenge of life" ,he says.
    I feel like a cancer patient and it hurts.
     
    #5 SneakyFennec, Jun 26, 2016
  6. love23cali

    love23cali
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    Tell him straight out to stop talking to you about sexuality. Say you don't wish to discuss it with him at all.

    Normally, I would say to move on and find new friends, but it sounds like an entirely different setting than the more accepting one I'm used to.

    Just really plan on and work toward relocating so that you can eventually feel happier. Use it as motivation.
     
    #6 love23cali, Jun 27, 2016
  7. SneakyFennec

    SneakyFennec
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    There's this one LGBT Organization that didn't get outright attacked for a very specific reason: Except lighting candles in the dark (our symbol here) they barely do anything.
    There's an imam (muslim "priest") who's really famous on TV who said only concentration camps based on heavy therapy and beatings could "heal" us.
    This guy sees me as a sick brother he has to help and it could be way way worse,so I'm quite glad in fact. But still...
     
    #7 SneakyFennec, Jun 27, 2016
  8. greeneyes

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    This is excellent. Also he might be questioning himself the way he phrased all of that (to me that sound like he was having an argument with himself).

    People need time, and unfortunately, you don't get to control the reactions of other people.

    Just remember, NO ONE can tell you who you are but you. Not your family, friends, government, religion, etc.
     
    #8 greeneyes, Jun 27, 2016
  9. SneakyFennec

    SneakyFennec
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    Greeneyes,he clearly showed interest in many girls over the years.
    He's just heavily homophobic,just like everyone else in here.
    An LGBT victim of rape WILL be charged as criminal.
    I just thought my best friend in the entire planet would be accepting...
     
    #9 SneakyFennec, Jun 27, 2016
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