So I recently came out to myself and my family, friends etc, and I'm not sure how to feel. I hang alot in my city's gay village and I go unnoticed. I feel like I look too straight to hope to find a man interested in me. ( I don't really look masculine, but I look like a punk/bum.long hair a la kurt cobain, 3days beard random jean and t shirt kind of) Is it normal to feel like you're not gay enough when you come out? Should I try to change how I look to "look more gay" or will it come eventually. I don't want to change my style really, I'm grungy cause I like it, but I want to be part of the lgbt community and I feel like I don't fit in when I go there. And I feel alone, and am worried I won't find love if I don't change.Am not really the kind of guy to go talk to people if they don't talk to me.
You belong into LGBT, no matter how you dress. I like your style and could very well be interested in you, if I knew you were gay. So to find a partner you could go where other gay people are, they will think you're gay or you'll know who is gay and approach your guy of interest yourself ^^
I had a similar problem a few years ago. I played varsity sports at university and had the same feelings of going unnoticed in the gay community. I felt like I didn't belong in that "gay" culture and it actually made it really hard for me to accept that I was gay for a long time because I didn't fit that stereotype. Even now, before talking to me (and even after), some people still won't be able to tell I am gay. Here's what I learned. You absolutely 100% do not have to change who you are. You will be able to find someone interested in you no matter how you look, act, or what your hobbies are. The only thing I find is that some people may be less likely to take that "chance" to ask you out if the think you are straight. Therefore, you may need to be a bit more sociable/aggressive if you decide to pursue someone. If they think you are straight they might not ask you out, but they won't be afraid to say yes if you ask them.
Gay men often spend years pretending to be straight so it's natural to think now you have to pretend to be gay. You don't. You are gay. Just be your most authentic self and part of that is, you're gay. As you get more comfortable and confident the people you want to see that will. As far as the bare appearances go it won't be the problem you think it will be. I'm an investment banker and I look the part, buttoned up and... well, let's just say people are usually surprised I'm a Democrat let alone gay. The straight people that is, gay people can tell--well, about the gay thing, I think some still worry I might be a Republican until they get to know me. Luckily I think it only takes about five minutes to realize I have too much compassion to be a Republican.:lol:, by which of course I mean any at all.:lol: Seriously though just be you, it'll be alright.
I know for a fact that plenty of gay guys prefer "manlier" looking men. What you need to do is be "more out". Try to bring up your orientation in everyday chatting. But stick to normal conversations and don't evidently push the subject, there are lots of situations when you could casually mention one of your past relationships or make a comment on a guy's looks. If you have lots of girl friends that's gonna be even easier, because if someone would be interested in you, he could ask them. I don't think walking down the street or going to a bar is what seals you getting a boyfriend or not. On the contrary, your friends' acquaintances would more likely hit up on you.
The world takes all kinds, if grunge is your thing, rock it. Personally I never got the "act gay" thing. If most of the gay people I know had not verbally said something, I wouldn't have noticed. Or maybe my gaydar is broken... Just keep being you, because you want people to like the real you; not some act you put on out in public.
