I want friends to help me navigate this portion of my life and help me but it seems whenever I start to get close to someone they expect us to just get down and fuck? I've already been screwed over HARD by someone who led me on and I'm not ready for a relationship again, but I WOULD like some queer guy friends since I've never had male companionship since I had a falling out with the last guy when I was 5 years old (5 year old drama though xD). I have no moral objections to hookup culture, but I absolutely despise it for myself because I am quite romantic and also have a phobia of catching an STI. How do I get these friends?? I tried clubbing but it's too hard...they either want sex, or are too drunk to remember, or the music is too loud to talk...
Try the following things: 1. If using apps/online dating be very clear that you're not in the space for a relationship right now but would appreciate being friends (that won't make it easy but then again might set expectations clearly). Also, take the initiative in reaching out to people by talking about something you liked in their profiles. Depending on your area and the people there, however, it might take QUITE a lot of reaching out before you find some sensible friends 2. Join a local LGBT group. Check whether there's a meetup.com group in your city (if it's Belgium there must be many!) and then go to some events. Just going once won't help - you'll have to go regularly so that people get to know you and you can strike up conversations. If you can go with a friend, great, otherwise go by yourself and say hi to a few people. I've met quite a few people just by chatting to whoever I'm next to. 3. Look into volunteering for LGBT events. While Pride is a big one most LGBT groups are more than happy to get people to help out for their more regular events too. That's also a good way to engage socially with other people (and not just in the club way). 4. Join hobby/interest groups in general. Hiking, books, movies, running, painting, board games...whatever you want. Chances are higher that you'll find gay men who share a hobby too! Maybe wear a rainbow wristband or some other subtle cue to let other people know you're gay? Only if you feel it's safe. To be honest, I do know what you mean. Given that so many of us are single and always looking around for our dream partner, yes, it's true that many of us might enter into even a friendship hoping that it will eventually turn into something more. I, myself, have done that. But if the other person is clear about being just friends then I'm more than happy being just that - I'd rather have him as a friend than lose him altogether. And there are times when I've had to be the one to "draw the line". And that's perfectly fine. If a person genuinely wants to be your friend, he'll respect that Good luck! Feel free to write in to my wall if you want to discuss further.
Closeteer pretty much said it all. I'd like to add that you should never underestimate the value of an online friendship. You can meet so many amazing people. I get free housing when travelling to Tunisia because I've a friend there,for instance. Also,I'm sorry,but I feel very curious: Are you from Flanders or Wallonia?
I'm currently in Flanders ^^ And yeah, some of my best friends are online friends, so I definitely appreciate online friends, but I'd just like some people I could hang out with irl.
I'll try ^^ And yeah, clubs and bars are good for just getting into the zone and losing myself in the music, but damn, I'm just not THAT free to start making out/banging someone I just met.
