hey, I could really use some dating advice because apparently I am bad at it. I never really dated before (for me it was always friends first) and she is the first girl I am "dating". I met her 2 weeks ago at girls pride night. Had fun together, made out at the party and I walked her home afterwards. Next day we met again to watch soccer at her friends place. She drove me home afterwards and we kissed goodnight. We met up a few days later at a park. The greeting was an akward hug. We talked for a few hours before she had to go but I had the feeling she was reluctant to go. Then another akward hug as a goodbye. Afterwards she went on holiday for a few days. We were texing more or less every day (once even till 01:30 am). And I really had the feeling that she liked me as well and she even asked me when we could see each other again. So we met yesterday and that was just all in all akward. Started with the akward hug. Went someplace to watch soccer and started to talk before the game started. Somehow I got the feeling that she wasn't really interested in my questions. It was a bit weird with longer pauses of no one talking and because they had a techinical issue with one of the TVs we even cut the evening short. Akward hug goodnight, she saying something on the line of "see ya" and leaving me behind with a very bad feeling. I have no idea were I went wrong. If I did come on too strong, if she just lost interest, if I am just too shy? She is away on a training camp the whole next week and we already made plans beforehand for next friday (my birthday) but I am not so sure if this is still a good idea... So at the moment I am not sure if I should contact her or if I should wait and see if she is still interested. thanks for any advice
You said 'awkward' many times. Did you mean physically awkward or the general interaction/conversation was awkward? If it was just physical, it is probably quite normal since you guys haven't known each other for that long. If the whole interaction was awkward, I think you should be honest with her and tell her how you feel and ask her about her feelings. That's what I would do at least. I don't think that would turn her off. (Of course you can wait for a few more weeks and see how things go. just don't wait forever) Btw I am very sensitive towards impending rejections and I sensed it correctly each and every time I was rejected. But I still always asked the person directly because to me endless guessing is way worse. Good luck!
Hard to describe it. For me it is mostly akward because I am not sure how to act. Should I hug her? should I kiss her? what is ok for her? what does she want? Well, to me endless guessing is worse than just asking her how she feels but I am very shy and because I am so new to this I am afraid of her rejection. Might have to wait and see if she still wants to go out on friday and hopefully I get a birthday bonus or I am just drunk enough to be bold...
Ask her. Don't guess. There is a reason so many relationship advice focuses on open and frequent communication. Maybe she is busy. Maybe this is how she is to her other friends/family (more aloof). Only she can tell you what she prefers, and even then sometimes people are inconsistent in what they want. Besides this, remember to keep telling yourself you are worthy and your happiness does not depend on other people's acceptance OR rejection. Dating is about getting to know each other, and sometimes that means realizing the other person is not romantically compatible (platonic friendship is always another option). Try talking to your friends/family about your concerns, especially those who are in positive relationships. You might tell them specific scenarios and see what is their opinion. However, remember everyone's opinions are based on their experiences and personality. Ultimately, have to figure out what works best for you.
if there will be a next date, I am trying to be brave enough to ask her what it is she wants and that I like her and want to get to know her. And if there won't be a next date, I guess I have my answer as well. "your happiness does not depend on other people's acceptance OR rejection" I think that this is the hardest part for me. I have a really hard time believing in myself and never actually thought that someone could be interested in me...
Just give it your best, and remember the spark has to only catch fire once for you to be in a positive, extended relationship. As for the happiness part, that depends a lot on your self-development, doing things that only interest you (not to please others) and surrounding yourself with trustworthy people who make you want to be a better person. The benefit of self-development is that you can do it no matter what is your relationship status. You are your own garden, and you get to cultivate it so it bears the fruit of your labors (one of those being happiness) that you can then share with others.
So there will be no next date. Guess there was no spark on her side...though I would really like to know where I went wrong. It bugs me that I don't know why she suddenly lost her interest in me. Is it weird to ask her why?
You could ask why, but you might not get the true answer (she might not even know). Try to keep up your relationships with friends and family so you don't keep feeling hurt by the rejection.
A short update: I got "dumped" on my birthday but at least she wrote me the reason: it didn't click for her. But she could have told me that last Thursday...
That's her problem, not yours. Flaky behavior is nothing to admire. But at least you have an answer and can begin the rebound process. (*hug*)
