Hello, For a year now, I have become better and better friends with a guy from my year, who I didn't have that great bond with before. End of last summer we started talking much more, became pretty close until the point that we basically tell each other everything. He isn't a really talkative person though I have had the idea. For the last few weeks, he has been acting really strange. Usually we texted daily, now just a few times a week for brief periods. He doesn't really take initiative anymore, and has been really vague. Also, he told me he wanted to go to the store, and I said that I'd go with him. He simply responded with that going with 2 people is boring (I had the idea we were friends, so that should be a fun thing, right?) and after he found someone else and he went with that person, with the 2 of them. Next to this he has been really really 'cool', talking about what he has and about all the girls he could get, even though he has a girlfriend and he never talks like this. I really don't know what to do, cause I asked multiple times if there was something wrong but he didn't really reply, and I am really getting worried. I really miss the old him, and basically he hasn't been respectful to me lately which he was the year before. Could I have done something wrong? I invite him to come chill in the weekend, just go eat somewhere and he comes up 1,5 hours later with a lousy excuse that his mom cooked dinner. I am really sad and scared, I don't want this to happen, cause I value him so much.
It's hard to say what's on his mind, since of course nobody here knows him other than you. It does sound like he's talking about dating, and his girlfriend, much differently, which might suggest something is up. But otherwise, if he's not talking, there may not be much you can do. Continue to invite him out if you like, but if you don't hear anything, it may be time to focus on other friendships for the moment.
Yes, there could be many reasons and you will only stress yourself out by guessing what are his motivations. So, try to take what he does on face value. It's a sad reality that many friendships don't last forever, and that can hurt, so it is important not to stay isolated or dependent on a few friendships. Also, you have to ask yourself what do you want from him? Do you want to be just another friend or more than friends? Have you thought of coming out to him?
You know, people grow apart. It happened to me and my friend, unfortunately. The most important thing for you, is not to blame yourself. You don't know what his intentions are. I agree with the other responders, take your energy out on other and perhaps new friendships. A better one might lay just around the corner.
Thank you very much for your reply At this moment, I don't know for sure anything is up. I showed him today I cared about him, and I seemed to get a response, him being around me and grabbing my hand on some occasion and just having fun, which just felt good. I really just want to be there for him at this moment, because if there is something, I really don't want him to feel alone, as I know how awefull that feels. Personally, I would want more than friendship, but I don't think thats within reach. He has a girlfriend for 3 years (we're all 17), and I don't want to intervene in anyones happiness. I wonder though if he might be bi, but I can not tell anything about this. He did mention last week that he'd want to find out if I was gay, just to see if he could still 'safely' change clothes around me. This was probably ment as a joke, but if he'd accept gay's, would he still make these remarks? Or does this show a bit of homophobia? I do respect him though a lot, and I'd like him to know about my sexuality as this is a part of me that I really am, but I don't know if I should tell him. I just want to be there for him most as I can, and hope he also likes to be around me.
It seems like he's kind'a hard to get? I'm sure that if you really trust him, you can tell him about your sexuality, and possibly get a reaction that way. I don't think he's being homophobic; most (straight) people don't know their being homophobic when they are. I wish you the best of lucks, my sweet friend. (*hug*)
