Hi! I'm trying to keep this short... So. I have this friend, whom I've known for almost two years and we became very close very quickly. She's the kindest person I've ever known and we make each other laugh. I feel that there's a great connection between us, we understand each other without saying the whole sentence and we often think alike. Before meeting her I've only been interested in men but I've never felt anything like this before. For the past year I've been struggling with these feelings I have towards her. But there are so many problems. Sometimes I feel that maybe she has feelings for me too. I see and sense her gazing at me from time to time and she does these little things that make me feel special, little favors and stuff like that. She always makes sure I'm fine and she often makes fun of me in a loving way. She also sometimes jokes about us being more than friends. Some of our friends have joked about it too (that we bicker like an old married couple and things like that). But that's the thing, I'm not sure if she's only joking or is there truth in it too. She has only ever dated guys (she actually got back together with her ex few months back which killed me, I've never been that jealous, but they broke up already) and very often states her admiration towards men. Yesterday her female friend joked about having relations with her and she very clearly stated that she's "the wrong gender". Almost too clearly I think... We also slept cuddling the other night, but we never talked about it afterwards. I don't know what to do :icon_sad: I've been so jealous that it hurts. It also hurts as hell when she hints about only liking men. I'm so afraid she doesn't feel in the same way about me and she's such an amazing friend, I don't want to make things awkward between us. I'm also afraid that I'm only imagining all these things, she's very kind to everyone, not just me. Any advices? :icon_redf
It sounds like if she is attracted to you she isn't ready to accept it, in which case there is not much you can do unfortunately. You can't make a crush like that go away without distance or falling in love with someone else. Crushing on your best friend is the worst thing in the world, I was lucky that mine moved away from me so I don't see her so often or I would be in your shoes right now. We are from the same country, BTW.
Oh, cool! :icon_wink It really does feel like the worst thing ever. We only live in the same city when studying, so now that it's summer, I've gotten some distance. But it doesn't really help in the long run. Also, I don't really want to be apart from her. :tears:
It is kind of a good thing that you don't live in the same city, because: 1. If she is attracted you she might realize how much she doesn't want to be without you. 2. If she isn't or still isn't ready to accept it, at least you can easily get distance from her if you ever feel you need it, because these kinds of crushes can go on for years I'm afraid. :icon_sad:
So I should probably keep living as I have? Around her I mean. Not tell her about my feelings but hoping that one day I could and it would not lead to a disaster. I've never told anyone about this. I am however going to tell my other friend tomorrow. I'm lousy at talking about personal stuff, but I think it's going to help. I've kept this inside for a long time.
I obviously don't know her but from what you said in your first post about her saying that she likes men a little too much, it sounds like she isn't ready to deal with it if she actually is attracted to you. So not telling her is probably a good idea for now at least. It is also a good idea to have a friend that you can talk to about this, especially if she can keep a secret and/or doesn't know your crush. Keeping something like this to yourself is so difficult when it feels like it has turned your whole life on its head, and you can't even talk to your best friend about it because it's about her. I am glad you have another friend to talk to about it, it will make things a bit easier at least.
And this is exactly how I ruined my friendships with two straight girls... Okay only one because the other one came around after a few months and we are still friends. I'd take someone's words literally when they say they like men. End of story. I know it sucks at the moment but this is absolutely the principle I will stick to for the rest of my life. Also when I like someone, I often mistake their friendly gestures as something more. Even if they joke the same way with everyone else, in my head I am somehow the special one. Obviously I don't know you or your friend so the situation may or may not be that hopeless. But I have wasted 5+ years of my life on straight girls (my fault not theirs) and it is a risk I am not willing to take.
Sounds like the feeling is mutual.She sounds in denial, if I've ever heard it. I'd say get drunk and kiss her. You have an alibi. But don't go any farther.
I'm in total agreement with Yuanzi. It had recently happened to me so ask me. She made out with me, she kissed me first, she had felt attraction.. But she always maintained that she into boys. But i turned blind n deaf in her love. I was living in a denial and would only hear what i wanted to. I beleived in things she would do to me.. Touch me, make out with me and tell me she missed me and how much she loved me. But every other day she'd remind me that she is looking for a boyfriend. I think i ignored all that. Today she has a boyfriend, its been 1 month. And i cant stop crying when i'm alone. I cannot cry in front of her. But she could see i was not happy and she is a lil upset with my behaviour as she said she is straight n she always told me this.. Whatevr she had with me was coz of emotional conncetion we had.. That we were so close as friends ans she thought i'm an amazing person. But she wants to be with a guy and she wants real sex not the one we had. Last week when she tried to discuss things with me that i'm acting like this and not talking to her.properly.. She told me with such an attitude that ofcourse she is straight and other things doesnt make sense to her. So here i'm regretting touch her and making out with her and responding to her touchs. Wish i had listened to what she said abt boys. Wish i had controlled my feelings and considered her onky a friend. I feel so small in front of her these days coz i feel i'm the one doing and expecting wrong. She is abslty right at her part.
Yes, sure, I do take her words literally. Like I said in my first post, she's the first girl I really fell for. We've talked about men together and she probably thinks I only like men. Probably. It's getting harder and harder to hide my feelings from her. I actually remember one time, when I first mentioned a friend who is a guy and who had recently flirted etc. with me, but that I wasn't interested at all. Then not long after that I mentioned an other guy, who is a friend of my other friend, and was coming to meet us. I just casually said that it will be nice to see him. And my friend called me out because I was apparently talking about boys too much. I didn't know how to react, because it was so sudden and I really hadn't talked about guys that much. I remember thinking that maybe she is jealous too, but I don't know. :rolle: I've also thought about that other point you made. I honestly think she is more likely to do those things to me, but it's probably just because we're closer friends with each other, than the people we always hang out with. Hah, I've thought about this before, but I've never had the courage. We've held hands though. And I've sat in her lap and very small things like that. And the recent night of cuddling I already mentioned. I'm sorry to hear this happened to you :icon_sad: I'd like to think that I won't ever let people treat me like that, but I can't know for sure. That just sounds like she was using you, even if she told you that she's looking for a boyfriend. I hope you can get over her and find someone who is worthy your affection (*hug*)
I'm in the same situation as you so i now exactly how you feel. I would suggest not saying anything right now because if she doesn't like you back this could make things worse and you don't want to lose her. I would suggest maybe hinting that you might like girls (if she doesn't already know) or try and bring up lgbt related topics and see how she reacts. If she's straight i feel like there's really no point in telling her because, unfortunately you probably can't change her mind. I know how hard this is for you, but if you really value your friendship with her you will just have to do your best to ignore these feelings if she's straight. You never know though, maybe one day she'll realise that she's attracted to girls and then you can tell her how you feel. hope this helped a little
