I'm in a class with some people that I had a falling out with. One of which was with a girl that I liked(which is bugging me the most) and two other friends. I reached to this forum about this same girl and I was wanted to take the advice that I was given. But immediately after I made the post(before I took the advice) had a falling out with her. Long story short for the this same girl: She kept going back and forth between flirting with me and avoiding and lying to me. And we had a falling out that one of my guy friends witnessed. He had pulled me aside before class to ask me what was up and why I was acting the way I was. I was having some issues with two other people aside from her. I burst into tears telling him how hurt I was and admitted that I had liked her. He then told me that he liked her too and how he can relate with getting mixed signal(I didn't know he liked for sure at the time) he basically told me how he didn't want me walking away from the everyone because of how much he would miss me. How our friendship came first and how we were like family. He overall, sounded so caring and reassuring and he sounded much more mature than I ever gave him credit for(even slightly charming). In the end I felt like the conversation ending on a good note and I didn't regret telling him what I said. That is until the next morning when he asked me if I was ok and I thanked him and asked, "Did you talk to so-n-so yesterday? I said some shitty things to her and wanted to know if she was ok". He flipped on me and told him how he didn't want anything to do with me and this girl said that it was obvious that, "She wants to be friends with you more than me." Among other words that were exchanged he said that he wanted to distance himself from the both of us because he was too jealous and didn't want to get stabbed in the back nor to stab me in the back. At the time I felt so sorry about what happened because I did not want to lose another friend especially since I had lost so many others. He ignored me for the rest of the week and I felt guilty about it until I saw him and her talking again. After that I deleted him after spending that entire weekend trying to get in touch with him asking for forgiveness for ever bringing up that I liked her. I realized that he only went up to me because he wanted to score brownie points with her and threw me away when he thought that it wouldn't work. A few weeks later he gave me a letter and gift card for my birthday saying that he was so sorry for what happened and that he still wanted to be friends with me. Although I appreciate him pulling me aside to apologize(which is something that this girl has never done for me when she hurt me), I sent him a letter back telling him that I could accept his gift(and a friendship back). I've been trying to get over this girl for a very long time. I spent so much time with her and by the time I realized how bad she was for me, I was already too deep and was too stubborn to let her go. I will admit that I was a bit jealous of these two and their interactions and the idea of them walking in hand-in-hand would have hurt to me a bit. But now this idea hurts even more knowing that he cut me off because of his feeling for her. I have nightmares about this and the issues with my other friends almost every night and my anxiety worse that it puts my stomach in knots. I'm taking a 3 day a week 6 hour a week art class for the summer and I need to take this class or else I won't transfer to my new college this fall. I have one other friend in the class that I don't have beef with that I talk to so it makes it a bit better but just seeing this girl just really hurts even more(with all of the stuff that she's done to me I feel like my hearts been ripped to shreds and I lost a close friend) and it doesn't help that this guy still shows up during the middle of class and talks to her is talking to her. I know that I might not care as much once I transfer and I no longer have to see either of them. But I wanted to know if there are any tips on fighting through this while I take this class now(I'm now in the 3rd week of the 6 weeks for this term). I know everyone says that they weren't good for me anyways and if they want be together then who cares since they were both shitty to me and shouldn't get bent out of shape about it. I'm really trying and always try to remind myself about it but I just end up crying myself to sleep everyday and I can't get them out of my friend. I even went to see my friend from high school and I brought up their names by accident and I burst into tears. Please help?
