CONFUSED gay/bi or overthinking straight

Would you consider experimenting? Of course, not necessarily with one of your friends if you think that would hurt the friendship. I think best way to know, sometimes, is to just experiment.

Have you watched gay porn? Or staring at the dude while watching straight porn?

And... sexual attraction might be one thing, romantic attraction might come or might not come with it.

You may be romantically attracted to dudes, for example. And while romantically attracted, consequently sexually attracted, or perhaps not sexually but exclusively romantically.

Or perhaps you just really love your mates, nor sexually nor romantically

 

I'm not sure if this applies to you, or would make you feel better, but there have been cases where otherwise straight men would inexplicably find one guy attractive.
My point is, if you genuinely find someone attractive, don't think about your sexuality too much, and just enjoy it for what it is. We still don't fully understand how sexual attraction works yet.

But yeah, you're probably straight.

 

This. :3

 

None of us can tell you what your deepest desires are, I'm sorry to say. You could be straight and obsess about gayness, or you could be gay/bi and just be subconsciously repressing it for some reason. Overthinking it will not give you the answer you're looking for.

To find it you will need to relax and allow yourself to like or be attracted to anyone, regardless of their sex. Then you will find who you naturally want to be with. At the end of the day, what matters isn't the sex of the person you love, but who will truly make you happy. If that happens to be a woman, then that is great, and if it's a man, the bigotry you may encounter will seem insignificant compared to being in love.

 

I agree with Trooper. Stop overthinking, thats interesting to consider. I am a fairly rational person, and excessively systematic as well so I tend to overthink a lot, and sometimes it just doesn't help. Let yourself go and explore, go with the flow, search your feelings without rationalizing in excess. Those are deep things there, only you know the answer, all we can do is offer some advice considering our own experiences.

For example; Look at your friends, other girls, other boys, just look, don't think. Just experience the moment. Don't rationalize it. Live the experience, gather evidences and then you may analyze and think about it.

Also, I know you don't consider experimenting as you said that. I didn't consider experimenting with a girl either, but I did anyways because I let myself go. It didn't hurt. When I first kissed a girl, I was questioning whether I was really gay or perhaps bi so it kind of scared me you know, the idea of experimenting with a girl. As crazy as it sounds, it felt like I was scared of figuring myself out the other way around after building a self image of a gay man. Thing is, I didn't turn out to be bi nor straight. And I also found out that this whole self image thing may help or may not help depending on the situation because I was scared of experimenting just because of it, when I should have been more worried about being who I really am, even thought it may have been a little uncomfortable during the process of "figuring yourself out", in the long run being who you really are is absolutely necessary.

And being who you really are doesn't necessarily involve labels. Just be who you are, and let go of whatever is scaring you or holding you back. If you like dudes too, so what? If you don't, so what ? In the end, deep in there, it's yourself and you can't change it, just find it out.

 

I have friends who are just friends. Have never thought of them sexually. I have a couple who I think of a lot, as a lot more than friends. Would I experiment with either of them? Heck Yeah! Would I be the one to start it? Heck No! To me it sounds like you are obsessing about them because you are worried about hurting the friendship. I agree about looking at gay porn and seeing if you are gay.

 

Do you have obsessive compulsive traits in general? Some people fixate on sexual identity in an unnecessary way. If that's the case, you could find a therapist/psychologist to help you out.

I think one thing to ask yourself is, why does this bother you so much? Why do you care so much whether you are attracted to guys sexually/romantically? If there's really no reason, then this really may be an obsessive compulsive behavior and you are entirely straight after all.

However, many people lie in between the spectrum of homosexuality and heterosexuality so it's perfectly normal if you sometimes feel some type of attraction towards men. If the source of anxiety comes from not being able to accept this, then this may be your internalized homophobia or denial. Your mentioning getting aroused by gay porn but not enjoying it makes me feel like maybe there is this possibility.

In any case, overthinking and testing out all these things don't seem to help you. If it doesn't help, then try something else. I'd recommend a therapist who can guide you in analyzing your more fundamental thoughts. If not with a therapist, you can still question why this bothers you so much and maybe tell yourself that what matters is how you are now, and you can embrace and appreciate your sexuality without having to "figure out" exactly what it is.

 

If it doesn't seem natural to you whatsoever, then you don't have to "not want to be", because you're not. Don't you think? I don't think about not wanting to like carrots because I don't like carrots. This is axiomatic. You clearly say that you've never felt this way, so why is it still bothering you? I think it's either because you are obsessed over nothing in an unhealthy manner when you are clearly straight, in which case you should see a therapist for obsessive compulsive behavior, or you are deep in denial about your homosexual feelings and you don't want to accept it but it keeps on surfacing. Either way, I think it's best that you see a therapist who specialize in these issues to get the best help. No one online can truly tell you who you are or what you like, or what issues you are actually facing, but a professional may help you guide this difficult issue for you.

 

Straight porn is straight porn, gay porn is gay porn.

As a gay man, I will only get aroused while watching straight porn if I pay attention to the dude and the dude is attractive on my view. Lesbian porn does nothing to me. No arousal, no demi erection, no reactions.