1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Not sure what to do

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mustlovedogs777, Jul 7, 2016.

  1. Mustlovedogs777

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 7, 2016
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Buffalo
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I am in a tough spot in my relationship and really need advice. First let me start off by saying this may be long and I do apologize in advance.
    I met someone through work about two and a half years ago and I knew right away I liked her. Just the way her smile made me feel - I felt unbelievable. Last October I decided to begin flirting with her which didn't last long and we started a relationship. Things were wonderful. We were happy, she made me feel like the happiest person on the planet and she said the same about me. Then in Jan she went on a family vacation where she witnessed her nephew have a seizure and his heart stopped. Understandable that she was an emotional wreck but in the end he was ok. When she got home from vacation she was still worried about him so she would check on him when she was out of work, keep in constant contact wih her family who I forgot to mention she is really close with to begin with. We went from seeing eachother about three times a week to seeing eachother only on Thursdays due to work schedules. We would still talk and text to eachother, just not as much.
    Well the last few weeks our work schedules have given us little time to be together. We now do not have any days off the same, but we do work together so we see eachother if I am lucky, ten min a day. I am insecure at times and began to question as to why when I asked her to see eachother, she would get angry and give me excuses like she had too many birthdays this month to celebrate with family and she is too busy for me. If I bring up any of my feelings about this, it would only cause a fight of some sort and I would always be the one to say I am sorry for telling her how I feel.
    So on the 4'th of July we had a phone conversation and she said she is not over what happened with her nephew and she re lives it every day in her head. She said it's all she can think about and she would rather spend her time making sure he is ok. I do understand this when she says it, but I do not know how to handle it. I asked her if she wanted to be with me still and she said she does love me but she can not make the choice to be with me full time. I asked her If she wanted me in her life and she said she does but the pressure I put on her simply by asking her to hang out with me is too much for her.
    I love her with all my heart and only want to be there for her. I tell her how I am beyond heart broken but it's almost like she could care less. I tell her I love her and again, nothing. But then when we do see eachother once a month and I tell her I love her, she says it back. I don't know if I should just say forget it or what I can even do to try.
    I mentioned to her maybe she should go see someone to help her cope with what happened but she didn't take that to well. I also mentioned to her maybe myself, her, and her family could all do dinner or something so she would maybe let me into her life again and she just looked at me like I was mental. I have only met them once while working.
    I am just at a loss, I told her I didn't want to get hurt nine months ago which I why I avoid relationships normally but she just made me so happy. I just do not know what to do.
     
  2. Miri

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2015
    Messages:
    94
    Likes Received:
    15
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Oh, hon. I'm really sorry to hear that you're in such a sticky, painful situation. Let me start off by saying that I'm no veteran when it comes to relationships, but I'll do my best to help here.

    First, I think it's clear that you really love her and she's important to you, so it's very understandable if the thought of letting her go hurts a lot. As for her, I don't know that her behavior signifies that she doesn't feel the same about you - what is clear is that she's got a lot on her plate right now, emotionally and mentally speaking, and this may cloud or push out her feelings for you, to some degree. I'm honestly surprised that the incident with her nephew has affected her this deeply for this long, although anyone would understandably be rattled by such an event. Do you know if there's anything else troubling her? Is she comfortable with her sexuality and out to her family, and if so, are they totally accepting? It's possible that she reacted the way she did when you mentioned dinner with the family because she has unresolved, unmentioned issues with them.

    As for what you should do, it's always a tough choice as to whether to stay or to go in a situation like this. As far as I can see, you can do one of two things: you can take a break, at least temporarily, and see if that clears things up for you, or you can sit tight, and hold on until she figures things out and can give you a clear answer about what's up with her and where she wants your relationship to go (if such a day does come). As long as you think the pain is bearable, you can continue with the latter option, but if it starts seriously affecting you as a person, I think you should talk to her about taking a break. No one should have to sacrifice their sanity for someone else, even someone they truly love.

    Just take care of yourself and know that whatever you do, it's probably for the best.