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putting up walls and missed opportunities

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by hayday8, Jul 7, 2016.

  1. hayday8

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Hey out there,

    I've been harboring feelings for an acquaintance of mine for the past several months, but I can't seem to pull the trigger and ask her to hang out (let alone go out). It should be so simple to go into her workplace and see if she is free for lunch or wants to grab a coffee, and in the past I've tried to do so but just can't work up the nerve.

    On top of that, I have the tendency to put up walls when I'm talking to people that I'm romantically interested in, like I instinctually try to play it too cool so they can't see my vulnerability or something, but they also can't tell that I'm interested in them. My nerves make me avoid eye contact and have stiff awkward body language, pretty much the opposite of a flirty conversation, so I doubt she can see that I like her. I even unexpectedly ran into her yesterday in the hallway of her workplace, mumbled a brief "hey, what's up", but could barely look at her. On my way out I contemplated stopping into her office (this really would have been the perfect opportunity), but still couldn't bring myself to do it, even though I really want to hang out and get to know her better.

    So why do I keep holding myself back from going for what I want? How can I let go of my doubts, override my nerves and just go for it before I keep missing more opportunities like this? Acting like this has held me back from pursuing the people I've been interested in in the past, and I want to break the cycle asap.

    Open to any advice or just hearing similar experiences. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this, so just getting it out there helps, so thanks for reading!
     
  2. yuanzi

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Are you afraid of potential rejections? I can relate to what you are feeling (nervous and trying to play cool at the same time). I feel the same way when I have a crush on someone but I do end up telling them about my feelings eventually. I always tell myself rejection is better than not knowing, which is probably why I am able to be honest with my crushes.

    I think most people have learned from a very young age that rejection means you have flaws and no one likes to feel flawed. I used to feel very flawed when I got rejected. Later on I started to rationalize it: if it is something I can improve and improving it makes me happy, I will focus on it; if it is something mostly out of my control, well, I will just have to live with it.

    But hey maybe your acquaintance will hang out with you if you just ask her. Relax and make it casual. It is not like you will be asking her to be your girlfriend. Not yet :slight_smile: