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Stepdads homophobic comments starting to really hurt me...

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by BelieveinLove94, Jul 10, 2016.

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  1. BelieveinLove94

    BelieveinLove94
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    Location:
    Tennessee
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    I'm not out yet except two friends. My stepdad is so homophobic it's not even funny. There was a gay cashier in Target and my stepdad wouldn't even go into his line even though it was shorter then he called target and said that he wasn't going back there if they continued to hire gay people. Luckily they didn't take that complaint seriously. His homophobia is even influencing my mother. She has gay friends who are some of her best friends. When he's not in the room, she says that being gay isn't a big deal and that if I ever came out to her as a lesbian, she would need to go to therapy to help her accept me but she would always love me no matter what. But then those thoughts change when my stepdad is in the room.

    Last night my mom was cooking dinner and my stepdad was sitting at the table. She knows I have a guy friend who recently came out as gay and she just told me to support him. Well last night I said something about him being gay and she said over and over again, "Eww, Eww" I could tell the tone in her voice, she didn't mean it, she just said it because he was in the room. Then this morning mom and I were on the phone with my aunt when my aunt mentioned something about her male hairdresser coming out as gay. My stepdad had just gotten in from work and she said the same thing, "Eww, Eww". Then my stepdad just kept saying, that is sick and disgusting."

    My mom is a Christian just like me (Yes I am still a Christian even though I'm gay, I don't think God sends people to hell just for loving). She told me once, "I know your stepdad doesn't like gay people but that's not his place to judge, that's only God's and God would want us to love everybody."

    My stepdad hates me anyway because I'm a reminder that my mom was in love with someone else before she met him. I'm not his so I don' matter according to him. The comments hurt a lot, especially since he influences mom that much that she makes hurtful comments when he's in the room. What should I do? Everytime I stand up to my stepdad for being homophobic, he starts asking me if I'm gay and I'm just not ready to come out to them yet and it hurts everytime I say no. What should I do? I have no one to talk to when this happens so I just wind up bottling my feelings and start hating myself even though I'm fine with who I am.
     
    #1 BelieveinLove94, Jul 10, 2016
  2. Kira

    Kira
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    I'll be completely honest, he sounds like a total ass. I used to live with a jerk stepdad, but yours sounds even worse than mine and I had to babysit him when he got drunk. I don't know why it seems to happen so much but straight people have the strangest qualities they're attracted to.

    I don't know what else to say except to work on getting out of there, unless you feel like they're going to break up any time soon. It seems he doesn't belong. Honestly someone that homophobic doesn't even belong in this era, much less your household.

    Wish you luck I guess, hopefully it'll all sort out in the end.
     
    #2 Kira, Jul 10, 2016
  3. mirkku

    mirkku
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    Not only does he sound like an absolute jerk, but can we talk about your mom for a second?

    You should come out to her. Only then can she make the choice to act like a mother, and leave him (or at least call him out on his bad behaviour), or sign up for the "will eventually lose my daughter since I chose to side with a man I know is hurting her" club.

    Please consider coming to her, in private, and see how she reacts. So far, it doesn't seem good. She is your mother. You have every right to expect her to act like it.

    Good luck! (*hug*)
     
    #3 mirkku, Jul 10, 2016
  4. JonSomebody

    JonSomebody
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    Unfortunately, there are still a lot of people within today's society that have the same homophobic views as your stepdad. Hopefully within the near future, perhaps you could find a way to possibly move out and into your own place to get away from that environment. Nonetheless, there was this guy that was good friends with one of my cousins and he was a lot like your stepdad voicing his homophobic views whenever and wherever he could. There was this one guy in their neighborhood was completely out and very flamboyant. Whenever this guy would walk down the street, or in one of the local stores, this bully would make it a point to harass this guy and he loved doing this with the following of a crowd who would give responses a lot like your mom. Surprisingly, one night, I was invited to this private gay party at this exclusive club and you would not believe who I saw there dancing and kissing with the gay guy????? the bully!!!! It just so happened that my cousin's sister was with me and she witnessed this with her own eyes. Furthermore, the bully was so into kissing this gay guy and rubbing all up against him that he never noticed my cousin's sister there to see him in action. Imagine that!!!!!
     
    #4 JonSomebody, Jul 10, 2016
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