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Mom unsupportive or just confused?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Bi bye closet, Jul 10, 2016.

  1. Bi bye closet

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Bangor, Maine
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I recently came out as bisexual to my mom through a well-thought-out letter that I handed to her and walked away. I was very nervous but I assumed she would be supportive because that's the kind of person she is. That's what makes the next part all the more hurtful... She knocks on the door to my room and then steps in. The first thing she says is "you're only {certain number of years old}, you shouldn't be thinking about sex". This made be extremely angry, because bisexuality doesn't entirely have to do with sex. Though I still calmly explained the truth. Then she asks how long I've known that I'm bi, which I say that I'm not entirely sure. Then she just says "okay" and leaves. No "I support you", no "I still love you", no nothing. Later I confront her and say I was hurt by her reaction because she didn't show support, she just says "Oh, okay". No apology. Then I ask her if she IS supportive, and she simply says "I guess I could try to be". This is when I storm off, disgusted.

    Does anybody know what to do? Anybody else been through a situation where you expected nothing but positivity but got the opposite? Please help, I want to keep my good relationship with my mom. My parents are divorced and I don't really like my step-dad, so she's all I have left.
     
  2. mirkku

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Finland
    Gender:
    Female
    Although it is still unfortunate that people have to come out in 2016, it's a reality, and in the global heteronormative society that "tradition" will keep on living. That is still a shock for most parents and, as such, your mother will need some time to process the news. She probably assumed that you were straight so far, which is to say potentially safer and most likely to find someone according to numerous stats (+ the media), and well, she's a mom. Fear over faith in the world comes with the job for most parents. It is unfortunate that she immediately thought about sex instead of feelings, but then again that's the sad stereotype bi/pan people have to live with. (12 years going for me, and it still makes me roll my eyes so hard at times... :grin:)
    How old are you by the way?

    I encourage you to let a couple weeks pass, then discuss it again with her as calmly as possible. It is important that you tell her again that her reaction hurt you, and that you explain why and how it has shaped the weeks following the incident for you. I can imagine that you don't feel at your best right now and the atmosphere at home has become heavier. She should understand that this is not ideal for you.

    You mention that you don't really like your step-dad. Is he homophobic? Could his potential reaction be why your mom is entering the denial phase so easily and refuses to discuss why she reacted the way she did?

    Stay strong, young padawan! (*hug*)