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How can I answer my friend's question?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by GatoAzul, Jul 12, 2016.

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  1. GatoAzul

    GatoAzul
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    A year ago my best friend and I crossed the boundary of platonic relationship, so I told her I wanted to be her girlfriend, but she said she thought it was weird because we were just friends. So I concluded that she just wanted sex and cut off contact as I was moving towns anyway. I went through a lot of pain from losing her.

    Recently I contacted her again, and she asked me what I'm doing now. I told her about this really great job in the city she is in which I turned down, and now she wants to know why I turned it down. The real reason is that I couldn't bear to live there without her being my girlfriend, being friends wasn't enough for me anymore. I don't want her to feel bad that I turned down a great job because of her. How can I answer her question without lying or hurting her feelings?

    At the same time I'm still wishing she'd take me back, but I know I can't ask her again, so I'll probably have to cut contact again after this. But first, how to answer her question?
     
    #1 GatoAzul, Jul 12, 2016
  2. Reflect Manta

    Reflect Manta
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    my answer is willpower. I know that's a very straightforward answer, but I'm not nearly good enough at being sensitive, nor do I think it's morally right to mask the truth.

    At the end of the day, feelings are going to get hurt somehow. and she probably suspects the truth anyway. Drop the bomb now so she doesn't spend years on smaller hurt feelings before eventually giving up. having romantic feelings for someone and not wanting to settle for being friends is perfectly natural in love and for some people anything less is not an option. it didn't work out so you left the situation. being her friend before does not mean you have to be her friend after, even if it hurts both of you.
     
    #2 Reflect Manta, Jul 12, 2016
  3. robclem21

    robclem21
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    Why do you feel like you owe her an answer? If you're planning on going back to cutting contact afterwards, then don't even bother responding to it.
     
    #3 robclem21, Jul 12, 2016
  4. Reflect Manta

    Reflect Manta
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    let's get a bit sassy/humorous here
    [​IMG]
    see this? this is a cake. delicious looking isn't it? Quite admirable.
    It is yours. you have it. I am jelly but will leave you to it.
    However, if you wolf that cake down, you won't have it anymore.
    but...what if you could time travel!
    You could eat your cake, travel back to the past, take said cake, paradox be damned, and travel back to the future and enjoy gazing upon such deliciousness once more!

    Seriously, though. you're going to pick one.
     
    #4 Reflect Manta, Jul 12, 2016
  5. EmH25

    EmH25
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    Tell her, i did similar thing it didn't work out, but at least i know she's just not into women, not just not into me
     
    #5 EmH25, Jul 12, 2016
  6. GatoAzul

    GatoAzul
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    I'm not sure she will expect the truth, she doesn't know just how much pain I went through after she rejected me, so wouldn't suspect I'd make such a big decision based around my feelings for her.

    I feel I owe her an answer because she has recently helped me out with something, and she is a good friend. I just can't be friends with someone I'm in love with, when they don't feel the same way. Every time I hear from her I'm in hope that she'll change her mind.

    I know she's into women, just not me... We've already discussed our relationship situation, and I know it's not gonna happen. I accept that. That's why I turned down the job. But I still don't want to make her feel bad by telling her I turned down a great opportunity just because I didn't want to live near her without having her as my girlfriend. If I knew someone had turned down a good job because of me, I'd feel pretty bad about it. Isn't there some way I could put it tactfully?

    But hahaha, that cake analogy did make me chuckle!
     
    #6 GatoAzul, Jul 12, 2016
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